Story Time: God Bless The Friendly Children…

Yes, this blog is a bit of a departure…it’s a personal story….and it’s funny…

Last night, I was waiting at the mall for my mother to finish up her WW meeting, well, I had visited all the stores I liked and I retreated to the center of the mall to have a seat…I’m a big believer in people-watching, so that’s what I did…by the way, on a Tuesday night, malls aren’t very busy…back to the point, I was sitting sort of Indian style when out of the corner of my left eye, I noticed this child scooting towards me on his belly, yes, scooting, and on his belly…pretty soon, his fingers reached my tush…he said “HI!…what’s your name?”…there was a brief pause between his initial greeting and his question…well, before I could answer, I did say hi back, his mother called him off me, he ran to a bench across from where I was sitting…I now know why he was scooting on his belly, he had a matchbox car in his hand…she started to promise little “Joey” a cookie if he acted right…he resisted, she pulled back the bribe, then the whining started…I noticed he continued to play on his belly on the floor of the mall…his mother was trying to look at something at a nearby jewelry store…which reminds me of a time when my sister was that age; she did wander off from me and Dad at the same mall…yes, we lost her!…luckily, she found her way to the mall’s main office in one of the big stores and all was resolved…you have to keep your eye on “friendly children”…

Last, but not least, if I had looked like this, my story would have been a hell of lot more interesting:

DEEEEYKES!

FAME Flops: Are You Surprised????

I was very turned off by the prospect of a FAME remake when I saw the teaser trailer six months ago…however, when I saw that Bebe Neuwirth and Megan Mulallly were involved, playing teachers at the Performing Arts High School, I changed my mind about refusing to see it…to add insult to injury, Mom and Dad both were all about seeing it…they didn’t, I’ll get to that shortly…

Remaking classic films should be banned, especially ones, such as FAME, that were so raw and almost came off as documentarian…the only way to remake a film is not remake it at all…the producers/writers/director should come up with a fresh concept that doesn’t mimic the original…it should only hint to the original, like casting Debbie Allen as the PA principal…though I have to admit, I missed her banging the floor with her cane…one point a friend of mine made while we were watching it, “this is a theater school, where are all the fags?”…exactly!…it’s a theater school in the 21st century and there are no gay-gay-gays!…only one character, Kevin-the dancer who isn’t good enough to be a professional-has to be gay…hell, there could have been a lesbian thrown in to the new FAME, but noooooo… the main characters are all poor copies of the main characters from the original film…I won’t go into all of it, because it’s too frustrating…

In the end, FAME is very smaltzy, unoriginal, and boring…you better see it now, because it will disappear from theaters very quickly…and I predict, it will be on DVD just in time for the holidays…I beg of you, hold out for the DVD…this is remade too, but this is just too good, don’t mess with Coco!

Project Runway: Week Six Breakdown…

It feels like it’s been more than a week since the last episode…I don’t know where the time went…shall we?

ROLLING STONE pop culture writer, Rob Sheffield, thinks PR has jumped the shark, by pointing out all the freaky designers, i.e. Ari, Malvin, Johnny, are being auf’d one by one…I say still give it all a chance…

9:01pm: Ra’Mon is glad Johnny is gone…Nicolas utters the standard reality show line…”I’m not here to make friends…” Irina has immunity…oh God, Collier Strong of Tressemme’…yikes!…Tim has a velvet bag, uh huh huh, I wrote “bag”…create a look inspired by movie genre…Irina gets Film Noir…Ra’Mon chooses science fiction because he knows all about Star Trek and Star Wars…Epperson and Shirin get stuck with Western…

9:05pm: It’s a one-day challenge…I wonder how costume-y this one will get?…Carol Hannah thinks Logan is hot…GEEESH!…Nicolas is “always in faraway lands..” ya think?…I have a feeling it may be Nicolas’ time to go…

9:09pm: Epperson wanted Period Piece, but he’s now treating Western as a Period Piece…er???…bobbins seems to be missing…Louise is still working on her concept, she chose Film Noir…I hope this doesn’t happen:
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9:16pm: Logan-“there’s a lot of talent here.”–there is????…I think Gordana actually showed at the most recent Fashion Week…Tim to Christopher-“bare arms are not Victorian or 1800s…”–isn’t that the same time period?…Ra’Mon’s is looking funky and costume-like…Nicolas’ ironically is echoing hints of Johnny’s last look…L’Oreal consultations…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

9:21pm: Ra’Mon-“(look) going Kermit the Frog-wrong”…I say more lizard than frog…he’s totally re-working it…a lot of scurrying around…Louise punctures her fingers, she’s in trouble too…

9:28pm: Gordana wants to create a cigarette holder, intriguing…Logan has some leather thing going on…Ra’Mon’s decision to start over may not serve him well…yes, I definitely have a feeling Nicolas is going home…if I’m wrong, I’m wrong…

9:36pm: WTF is Heidi wearing???…John Varvatos! Zoe Glassner, eh? and the costume designer from WALK THE LINE, I missed her name…Irina-fine, Carol-Hannah-I like, Shirin-Saloony!, Christopher–he’s a front runner, Nicolas-oh no oh no!, Althea-model is in character, nice, Ra’Mon-not bad, Louise-boring, Epperson-I like it!, Gordana-boring, Logan-eh…

9:41pm: a little judging….Gordana’s is too boring, nothing new…Nicolas “she is one of the 3 sister queens…” I’m not filling in the rest, the judges like it-DAMN!…Louise-a mess, not strong…Christopher-vampire in hiding-great description and story…Ra’Mon-“her name is Lola, she left her planet” sing if you know the words!…judges are not liking it, Heidi-“hot green mess” if he had done this, he might have gotten more respect:
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Epperson’s is really good, the denim is historically inaccurate…he might win, but it will probably be Christopher…in the bottom? Ra’Mon took a risk, even though it turned out very shabbily…Louise-boring, Gordana-boring, just another 20’s flapper…

9:56pm: Gordana is in…Epperson is in…Nicolas is the winner?!?!?…I’m angry about that!…what a queen…Christopher-in, duh….Ra’Mon or Louise?????

Auf’d–RA’MON????…the judges were on crack that week!!! hands down…this is bullshit!

Next Week: Teams of 2, NO-NO!!!!…Michael Kors is back! and Christopher turns on the water works…

You’ve Come a Long Way Kelly…


I must admit, I’ve never obsessively watched DANCING WITH THE STARS, but this season, I’m excited and I’m watching for one contestant and one contestant only: Kelly Osbourne…I watched the ladies grace the stage last night and I could tell right away who the dancers and the non-dancers were…Cue Macy Gray! who was bleeped by the ABC censors when she said “I popped my cherry!”…scandalous!…Also starting out very awkward, former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl and now a media empress, Kathy Ireland…she said she couldn’t even walk in high heels and she was a MODEL!…I’m with you on that one girlfriend…I would say the hottest last night, in terms of her dress and her hip movement was Olympic gold medalist swimmer, Natalie Coughlin…yowza!…sure, Joanna Krupa was declared the “hottest” by the judges, but I say no…however, she does lead the ladies in scoring heading into tonight’s first elimination…Now to Kelly!

I will always see that 17-year-old cussing princess I got to know on THE OSBOURNES reality show…it’s too bad Kelly fell victim to the same drug problems as her father and her brother Jack did…all that has changed!…when Kelly and her partner, Louis Van Amstel, waltzed across the floor, it was amazing and shocking at the same time…Ozzy and Sharon were rooting her on; Sharon was in tears of happiness…Kelly is now officially a LADY!…I believe Bruno used the words, “graceful” and “elegant” to praise Kelly’s performance…Len Goodman, who was hardly impressed by any of the ladies, said Kelly had the performance of the night…even Kelly teared up, and said she was having the time of her life…FYI, tonight’s results show will feature a tribute to the late Patrick Swayze…

I think I’ve added another tier to the DVR….yes!

A Moustache Ride in Prime Time???

Moustache Ride
Oh yes!…sure, Sarah Silverman lost in the Lead Actress in a Comedy Series category to UNITED STATES OF TARA star Toni Collette(GO DIABLO CODY!), but she provided a very humorous moment in an Emmy telecast that lacked lots of the funny…The Emmy Awards is one of those shows that it’s very hard to pull off humor…it ranks up there with the Oscars, of course more people tune in to the Oscars, but anyway…I am giving host Neil Patrick Harris a B for effort and a D for the jokes…OMG, that whole “best seat in the house” winner gag???…as Aunt Linda would say, “Oh Brother!”…and I’m not sure I like the dividing up of categories in the show…NPH did have one good line, “I hope Kanye is a fan of 30 ROCK.”….

It’s too bad the funniest moment of the show happened right at the beginning….the nominees and the winner for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Comedy Series…oh, one side note…congrats to HBO on their GREY GARDENS wins–Best Actress-Jessica Lange, Supporting Actor-Ken Howard, and Best Made-For-TV Movie!…okay…here’s the clip I was setting up:

BRILLIANT!

Project Runway: Week Five Breakdown…

**This will NOT be time-stamped, since I didn’t watch on the first run, hope it won’t be too disconnected**

I still don’t know everyone by name yet…it will be okay…since Q is gone, it’s more “quiet”…no doubt…Johnny-“being in the bottom 3 was the emptiest I ever felt…” awwww!…Irina doesn’t think Althea deserved to win last week…Nicolas thinks Johnny and Irina don’t need to be there…Heidi in pants!…I like!…field trip! “the answers will all be in black and white”
I think Logan is kind of mentally challenged-my two cents-Los Angeles Times, they will be working with newspaper, no-brainer…Booth Moore??? I like Booth as a first name…I love how the designers nervously laugh and freak out at the same time…3 minutes to gather up as much as possible…Ra’Mon is focused boy!…muslin can be used as an infrastructure, but it can’t show…Tim Gunn runs down the history of looks made out of newspaper…go Daddy go!…
I take it back, Althea is half-way mentally challenged…paper can be dyed…Nicolas is not confident…I confuse Irina with Shirin…Shirin is making too much noise…”has anyone named their mannequin?”…yeah…Johnny is going the origami route; here comes the Nicolas insults…
(I love watching this back, I can fast-forward and pause)
I think they only have one day to make their garments…Ra’Mon is thinking a little origami, a little cubist…how intelligent…Gunn check…Gordana wants to make a political statement, nah, and hers has no muslin…I forgot Althea has immunity, she can play dumb if she wants…Tim to Johnny “a craft project gone awry…it looks like the birds are attacking the dress…” Christopher has a lot of paper feathers going on…it could be cool…Irina is thinking a coat????….
Johnny’s birds…keep it together, keep it together…he hates his design, so he takes in a crossword puzzle…the designers hate his attitude…TRIGGER!…there’s a steamer controversy?
Althea is still working “just as hard” even though she has immunity…Nicolas is having a difficult time and poor Johnny…he doesn’t give a damn…Ra’Mon did separates…Gordana’s looks really cool and it is totally made out of paper, no muslin…Carol Hannah having trouble getting her garment off the mannequin…Irina is getting dumped on now, by Althea…coincedence?…Johnny on Nicolas’ “it’s definitely not punk rock, maybe stump rock?”…
Runway time…I believe Michael and Nina are gone, AGAIN!…Heidi in a sparkling skirt…Tommy Hilfiger, Zoe Glassner, Eva Longoria Parker…star-studded, well, except for that Zoe chick…Logan-not bad, Nicolas-eh, Christopher-fierce!, Ra’Mon-love!, Epperson-Asian inspired, Johnny-too simple, Gordana-a little simple, Carol Hannah-nice job, good on the dye, Shirin-it’s okay, Irina-UGH!, Althea-it’s okay, Louise-a little nutso…
The previews said something about “the biggest lie on the runway”…????…Gordana’s is called “boring”…Irina is getting rave reviews…Johnny is going with the steamer sputtering story…Heidi is thinking hooker…Nicolas calls Johnny’s “a red mess”…and now Nicolas is getting berated, Zoe-“cockroaches”…ouch!…
Winner: IRINA!!!…a bit of a shock, since she was being dogged the whole episode…but it was good…Auf’d: Johnny….oh, I hope he’s not going be depressed and start using again, that’s not a joke…he tried and he did well…Tim and Nicolas are still pissed at Johnny’s whole steamer story…get over it bitches…
Next Week: Something nutsy!…good night!

VH1 Divas Sort of Live Blog…

***THIS IS TIME-STAMPED, BUT IT’S NOT LIVE, YOU KNOW THE DRILL***

8:00pm: Some big opening number with Paula, who I think is wearing a wig, there’s a sparkly cape…I hoping this is only dancing…ooops…”Cold Hearted Snake”…lipsynching even though she’s holding a mic…yeah Paula, 1989 called and they want MC Scat Cat back, they play on how Simon and Paula are opposites that attract..how darling…now “Straight Up”…she almost fell…oh, yeah “Forever Your Girl”, some weird remix…boy, that was stupid….let’s get to the real singers…caught a glimpse of Ryan Kwaten aka Jason Stackhouse in the crowd…he’s presenting a diva, I guess…
8:05pm: Paula–“this is NOT American Idol!”…her voice is cracking…a shot of Adele, she’s chewing on something…
8:08pm: J-Hud is up first…love her!…”we’re a new generation of divas…” oh, she looks fierce!…singing “Spotlight”…I may have NOT chosen the skin tight, pleathery pants…her boobs are about to pop out…a Live Blog party you say?…I’ll stick to what I’m doing…
(checking The Office…I can’t believe I’m missing this…however, DVR is the greatest invention ever)
8:17pm: KATHY GRIFFIN!!!!!….oh boy, here we go…damn, she’s a foot taller than Paula…”was there any man on man barebacking?” in reference to Simon and Seacrest…Paula–“have you ever banged anyone?”…
8:19pm: Kelly Clarkson…let’s see how much weight the camera adds tonight….a typical day in the life of KC montage…”Already Gone”, the song she says is a rip off of Beyonce’s “Halo”…co-written by the same person, Ryan Tedder, who also co-wrote Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love”…yeah, Kelly still isn’t missing any meals…bless her heart, her dress is pretty…I guess the first hour is solo performances…
8:25pm: Dudes on Divas????…some skit thing to fill time…PS22 school chorus singing “Chasing Pavements”…search for these kids on YouTube; they are good!
(Commerical break…well there goes the end of The Office…whaaaaaaaa!)
8:30pm: Paula’s dresses leave much to be desired…Oscar playing off music spoof…complete with a sparkly hook!!!…Keri Hilson and Corbin Bleu, okay?…having presenters for this is kind of dumb…but some of the Real Housewives of Atlanta are there, so I digress…
8:32pm: Jordin Sparks!!!…cue the montage…”S.O.S. (Let the Music Play)”…she has dancers, the production is reminescent of the VMAs…seriously!…and I’m waiting for the Kanye interruptus spoof…Jordin has some junk in the trunk too, I’m kind of scared of her…
8:37pm: NeNe, Bethenny, and KIM!…whoops, and Kim’s wig…Kim- “I have a song out called ‘Tardy for the Party’ and it’s a big hit!”?????…
8:38pm: Adele…and I’m not hatin’, but another heavyweight…she has a baby, did I know that?…Lionel Richie???…this montage is getting weird…damnit, I don’t know the name of the song….proof pop radio eludes me most times…wait, it’s “Hometown Glory”…ah, those eyelashes…big voice…
(Commercial break, I got nothing)
8:49pm: the Leona Lewis vs. Miley Cyrus debate????…WTF???…PAULA IS IN ELLEN DEGENERES DRAG!!!…LOW BLOW PAULA, BUT GENIUS, COMPLETE WITH ELLEN SHOW SET WITH PAULA PLOPPING DOWN IN THE CHAIR…it fell a little flat…Toni Braxton, looking gorgeous…
8:51pm: Leona Lewis!!!…this is the first time I’ve heard her speak, darling…I’m not sure who this guy is in the montages, producer of the show???…”Happy”, the new one, hells yes!…there’s some sort of Madonna a la “Frozen” thing with the dancers going on…question mark?…she sounds a little off, eh?…it’s almost as if the music is overpowering her…not fair…she’s so beautiful…PS 22 again…they are awesome!
(Commercial break…Miley is only one left….ugh!!!)
9:02pm: Leona Lewis with Cyndi Lauper…and Cyndi’s dulcimer…”True Colors”…how many times have we seen her do this, with others?….I still love this song!…she’s 56???…wow…damn, Cyndi is outsinging Leona!…now the FAME cast of which I know none of their names…they are acting stupid!
9:08pm: It’s Miley!…the montage please…she ain’t no diva, I’m sorry VH1, but I’m standing by it…yes, she’s the new Olsen twins money maching, add in the music career, but NOT A TRUE DIVA!…”Party in the USA” which is a catchy song, but geez…I guess since some of the outfits have been questionable, Project Runway can wait…Miley’s is awful!…it’s like a Corpse Bride gone wrong situation and it’s too short for a 16-year-old!!!…
(Commercial break…flipping over to Lifetime…damn, commercial for them too!)
9:17pm: Another poor flapper dress on Paula…oh, a funny is coming up!…it’s LIZA!!!!!…the real one, not an impersonator!…she has a mic, something’s going to happen…”Liza with a Z”…Paula is playing dumb…Paula’s shoes, yikes!…Liza loves them…and Paula is giving them to her…Liza-“these shoes, it’s something I can use!”…
9:19pm: Adele and India.Arie…”Video”…old school…love it!…perfect song for duet…that song came out eight years ago…wow!…Oh brother!…another Dudes on Divas segment…
9:29pm: Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford…God, if this could only be Michaela Watkins and Kristen Wiig as Hoda and Kathie Lee…damnit!!!
9:30pm: Jordin Sparks and Martina McBride…”Broken Wing”…interesting…I was thinking Kelly Clarkson would bring more of a country flair to this…oh well…Martina looks a little dazed…oh and she has sounded better, oooh…oh Martina, no diva here…but bless her for trying…
9:38pm: Jennifer Hudson and Stevie Wonder….(I’ve been skipping the commercial break designations…don’t sue me!)….what is this song???…I would consider Stevie a diva, why not?…”All in Love is Fair”(?)….J-Hud can sang! oh a little diva-off between Jennifer and Stevie! A die-hard KC fan…a J-Hud fan, she’s losing it!…
(Well here we go, commercial break…the show is almost over???…it flew by)
9:47pm: Oh no, Ryan Kwaten alert!!!…and who else?…SamTrammell?!?…wow…
9:48pm: Miley and Sheryl Crow…”If It Makes You Happy”…oh Miley, honey…you are NOT A DIVA or a rock singer!…it’s interesting seeing the comments at the bottom of the screen…they’re only putting up the nice ones…Miley is this close to a camel toe moment…she’s 16 people!!!…I love Sheryl Crow and I feel so sorry for her right now…all that’s left is Kelly Clarkson and Melissa Etheridge…it should be good…
(commercial break and another shameless plug for FAME, Kelsey Grammer is in it too?!?)
9:56pm: Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port…Paula is twittering…okay, it’s been established, Paula? not funny…”Bring Me Some Water”!!!!…yeah!…Kelly and Melissa Etheridge…this one is appropriate since lesbian rumors have been swirling around KC for a while…okay, this is pretty good…playful, I like…Kelly is fillng out her jeans…I admire her for working her weight…this is my favorite performance by far!!…
10:02pm: THE DIVA-OFF???…that’s it????…no diva-off?….well, I gotta move on…

A Milestone and Memories of Patrick Swayze…

Today’s post is a milestone because it’s number 100…thank you, thank you loyal readers who have stuck it out with me for the past five months…I’ll do my best to continue to bring you the most entertaining, informative, and humorous blogs I can…

Today is marred by another Cruel Summer death…Patrick Swayze died Monday after a two-year long battle with pancreatic cancer…he was 57…I know he wasn’t going to make it, but I’m still in shock and I’m sad…I confess I had a crush on Swayze when I was 10, 11…I’m trying to remember when the NORTH AND SOUTH mini-series starting airing…well, strike that, the first time I saw Swayze on screen?…RED DAWN…I love RED DAWN and believe it or not, there’s a remake in the works…eh…I was behind the curve on DIRTY DANCING for the longest time…I didn’t see it at the theater or rent it…I didn’t see it until it premiered in HBO…I couldn’t stop watching it!…after that, I can’t remember anything I had to see with Swayze in it, with the exception of GHOST…ROADHOUSE is a cable standard…no, I have a soft spot for another film….TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, JULIE NEWMAR…no, it’s not Oscar material, but it has laughs and it has heart…enjoy this clip!

Sorry for the subtitles…

**SIDENOTE: the challenges on Thursday keep adding up…I work until 7…but it’s all good, I’ll have my laptop fired up and ready to go for DIVAS….

Heartless


On a night when Janet Jackson paid tribute to her late brother, Lady GaGa officially arrived into VMA history, Pink soared above the crowd performing “Sober”, and the extended NEW MOON trailer premiered, Kanye West erased all of it…I won’t go into what happened since the clip has been shown a billion times and will be shown a billion more in replays of the awards show…anyway, Kanye West is officially no longer valid as a music artist and especially, as a respectable human being…I find it ironic he won ZERO awards…and everytime his name was mentioned after the Taylor Swift hijacking, the crowd booed, which they should have…Now, if you want to argue whether or not Swift should have won Best Female Video of the Year, go ahead, but do it in silence…Beyonce’ ended up with the much deserved Video of the Year prize, and she took the opportunity to give the stage back to Swift to finish her acceptance speech…CLASSY!…I will have to watch the show back, at least the parts I missed…hello?! TRUE BLOOD finale…which by the way, it was very good!!!…

My dilemma for Thursday has grown just a bit more…the season premiere of THE OFFICE is at 8pm, which is the start time for Divas on VH1…everything I won’t be watching, including Project Runway, will be DVR’ed…don’t forget, not-so-live blog of DIVAS will happen this Thursday night…

That is all!

Project Runway: Week Four Breakdown…

**This week has been very busy…Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is in the area, WBKR (where I work) got a CMA nomination for Small Market Station of the Year, and I finally got some cheaper car insurance, not a bad week at all**

9:01pm: Nicolas–“we need to weed out the talentless people…”–hum?…Heidi in leopard print, eh…”13 women who know what they want”…the models are the clients; they have all been invited to an industry event…what they wear will be key…it’s a one day challenge…

9:05pm: I forsee an Epperson meltdown…his model just spat off a billion ideas of what she wants…some models are very vocal, others are nuts, and some are quiet…Shirin’s wants a “satin blue jumpsuit with gold rope”…gaaaa!…
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9:10pm: Designers are discussing how hard the competition is…this is kinda boring so far…

9:15pm: Gunn check…Althea calls a smoking jacket a “cigarette jacket”…Christopher is good, he’s a calm gay boy…Tim on Q’s “it looks like she’s been rolling around in bed”…oooooh…Tim does not like the word Smurf…LMAO!
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…Carol Hannah’s looks too old…Epperson is having a breakdown!…this is usually a sign of a possible elimination…is it not?..

9:21pm: Models come back for fitting…Johnny doesn’t like anxiety–TRIGGER!…he’ll be okay…there seems to be a lot of focus tonight on Logan, Q, Nicolas…so there’s some bottom 3 material shaping up…

9:29pm: Logan is wearing silver pants and shoes, Billy Corgan called and he wants those back!…yeah, Q is in trouble…(man, I have a wisdom tooth that’s bugging the shit out of me!)…many designers are going down to the last minute…Nicolas and Christopher are putting Epperson in the bottom, I would agree…

9:38pm: Nina and Michael are BOTH gone!…huh?!?…Q-too simple…Nicolas-it’s okay…Irina-pretty good…Gordana-good…Shirin-a little simple, but nice back…Logan-yikes!…Christopher-nice!…Epperson-eh!…Johnny-wrinkled…Althea-it’s different…Louise-good…Ra’Mon-pretty nice…Carol Hannah-I like it, too old?

9:44pm: CH’s gets good reviews…Logan-bad prom dress, yep…Epperson is getting good points, Heidi wants more boobage “maybe it’s because I’ve worked for Victoria’s Secret for too long…” Johnny’s?…bad reviews, “bridesmaid”…Q’s looks too old, the producers deceived us…she didn’t take a risk…her model likes the dress…Althea? her model was a great walker, and it’s a great piece…

9:56pm: And the winner is…Althea! Epperson is safe, my meltdown theory was wrong…Johnny is in????…okay…it’s gotta be…Qristral, baby girl, that’s it…she was in the bottom too much a la Mitchell…she has a man face…

Next Week: NO BLOG!…I’ll be covering VH1 Divas Live….