On this week’s episode, we get to re-visit “LaQueefa” and boy I was not ready for this. The Abby Lee Miller dancers are in LA for their last competition before Nationals (seriously, when is this show over?), Maddie moves back to the top of the pyramid after sitting out last week. Kelly’s daughters, Brooke and Paige are at the bottom since Kelly threw a fit about her daughters not getting special attention like Maddie does. And she bitched about how she has to sew her daughters’ costumes “five minutes before they go on”, so Abby told her to sketch and make her own costumes AND get another choreographer. We’ll get to that in a little bit. Abby decides the girls need a pick me up on attitude with their new routine, so she brings in someone with attitude and fierceness, the original LaQuifa (yes, this is how it’s spelled)
If LaQuifa looks familiar, that’s because you’ve seen her twice on RuPaul’s Drag Race; yes, it’s none other than Shangela LaQuifa Whatley (not sure that’s spelled right), and she was fierce!
Sure, her sewing skills are still rough and her hat was coming off her head, but hey, this is why Dance Moms rules. Shangela dropped by to give the girls a crash course in attitude and how to do a “death drop”; guess who gets to do the death drop? NIA!
Oh Holly, it’s going to be okay and it’s going to rock! I’m not going to give a complete recap, but Abby was a substitute mom for Maddie and Mackenzie, since Melissa had to stay behind and spend time with her boyfriend, who pays for all the dance stuff, it makes sense, but she should’ve been there for Hollywood competition. We also see Abby have a crisis of her own for the first time. She gets a phone call her mother has been admitted to the hospital in Florida; we saw her on an earlier episode. So Abby is quite distraught, but she’s all business. Not only is there drama within the dance group, a crazy lady named Cathy has decided she is going to fly some of her dancers out, including this one:
to compete AGAINST Abby’s dancers, because Cathy keeps on insisting Vivi was never able to demonstrate her full capabilities competing with Abby’s group. (CUE GIGANTIC EYE ROLL!) Even Vivi herself, who I’m sorry, but she has looked like she hasn’t given a shit at all this season, speaks up and says she and her partner, Justice, can beat Nia and Mackenzie!?!? Um:
I don’t think so! Okay, we’ve skipped ahead a little bit…let me back up to the issue of Kelly finding a choreographer for Paige. Meet Mike!
Hey girl!…this is Mike uh, don’t remember the last name, but he’s danced with “Lady GaGa, Ke$ha, Adam Lambert, so you’re in good hands..” Uh huh. And wouldn’t you know, Paige has a complete breakdown, because Mike only has so little time to teach Paige her “independent” solo; and Paige freaks out so much, she decides to pull out of the competition, awww! Which I believe this is the second time this season she’s done that.
Oh Cathy thought she could psyche out Chloe by having her dancer use the exact same solo music, oh dear. That backfired! And yes, Vivi and Justice didn’t even place in their category. If the show gets picked up for a second season (DUH!), I think we’ll see Cathy and poor little Vivi and the Candy Apple Dance Company again…UGH!
All right, when the group number goes on, the song is very drag queen, which by the way, all of the music that we’ve heard on the show, who the hell does it??? The number is called “My Pumps”, yes honey! I’ll admit, it’s not the best group number I’ve seen this season, but Abby knows it will win. And after Nia does this:
The Death Drop, how can the routine not win? Well, they place THIRD!?! Yes, Abby Lee Miller’s girls will go into the season finale down in the dumps. Then, they’ll definitely need more LaQuifa, what?
I have no idea if the season finale is the next week, if it is, I’ll live tweet or write a Project Runway-esque recap.
(All screenshot images courtesy of lifetimetv.com)