Fifty Shades Of No Way In Hell (NSFW!)

Before you ask, I need to point out I have no intention of EVER reading E.L. James’ trilogy about certain sexual fantasies that up until now I guess were never published. Yeah, right. I’ve only read two memorable erotic stories in my life. Try not to pass out when I go there. And yes, they are both gay. Hey, I write what I know.

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Annie Proulx’s 1999 short story collection includes Brokeback Mountain, which originally appeared in The New Yorker in 1997. Although the story itself is just a shade over 60 pages long, it covers the entire plot you see in the 2005 Oscar-winning film adaptation and it hashes out a few more sexual details than what is seen on-screen. We’re talking graphic and erotic. I don’t think it’s fair the word “erotic” is almost always associated with fiction geared towards women. Men get it on too and I bet a few have read the Fifty Shades trilogy.

The reason I got to blogging this time, now that the trilogy has become so popular, a line of lingerie, make-up (What?), stationery, bedding (kinky!), home furnishings (better throw some rope in), and so on and so forth will be hitting store shelves soon. Don’t get too turned on, this is only happening in England, where the author is from, for now. However, sales of rope and other bondage items have spiked thanks to the panty fire storm continuing to spread across the country. And just in case you were wondering, you need to buy the 12-gauge non-braided nylon rope, no thanks! I just can’t believe bondage is something a few women (maybe men) are just now learning about. It takes a kinky village…

All right, my second most erotic reading experience….

I call bias! on myself. (goodreads.com)

Oh, there are thousands of lesbian erotic novels and poetry out there, believe me I know, but Sarah Waters’ historical debut novel Tipping the Velvet which is a slang term for, um, yeah that, is making me a little antsy to write about at the moment. I can’t tell if I’m blushing, I’m typing. It’s more of a glance at lesbianism in Victorian England in the 1890’s  than it is a sordid, erotic tale. Gotcha, I’m totally lying. It’s historic and it’s extremely hot in many chapters. It examines cross-dressing, the butch factor, and, ahem! artificial appendages. Screw the rope ladies, THAT is kinky!

I try my best not to judge my friends who are reading Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed, my sister read them too. And I’ll have to grit my teeth even more when all of these naughty stories are made into movies. I have to face the fact that a hot book series, sexy or not, will be shoved in my face (EWWW!) whether I like it or not.

Bath salts, take me away…

 

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