TLC used to be a network with just baby and medical shows, then Kate and Jon Gosselin showed up with their eight kids. This is when I think the shift happened. Personally, I’ve always liked Little People, Big World which is no longer airing, and I absolutely love The Little Couple. Now if a network wants to show a diversity of culture, that’s great, but when that diversity is a little too close to home and is yet another chance to exploit people, TLC does it time and time again.
So, I’ve never been a fan of Toddlers & Tiaras, but when a sassy kid with a catchphrase pops up on screen, it gets me every time. Six-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson is the second little pageant queen to get her own show. Logo, not TLC, aired Eden’s World earlier this year. Snooze! I never watched it. However, even though I knew it was going to be a total train wreck, I decided to give Here Comes Honey Boo Boo a shot. There are no words. but I’m going to attempt to express my thoughts.
The Thompson family lives in McIntyre, Georgia and where exactly is that? The largest city nearest to McIntyre is Macon. In other words, it’s BFE. Now when you look at this picture of Alana, and her family, you may not think much. You see the older house and you see Mamma June just a smiling. I hate to say this, but the other Thompson daughters, 17-year-old Anna- “Chickadee”, 15-year-old Jessica- “Chubbs” I’m not making this up! and 12-year-old Lauryn- “Pumpkin” are somewhat better-looking than Honey Boo Boo. I’m not clear on whether Mike-“Sugar Bear” is the father of all of these kids, but I don’t believe he and June are married. And he looks totally beat down and he always has a big chaw in his cheek. Oh, I’m just getting started on the stereotypes. By the way, June is 32, which means she was 15 when she had Chickadee, 17 when she had Chubbs, and so on.
If there’s one thing that gets on my nerves, it’s giving your kids nicknames. Chubbs? Really? If it’s easier to remember which kid is which, more power to them. In the first episode, the Thompsons take a trip to the “Redneck Games” which is just as OMG as you’re thinking. I swear to God, one shot was of an African-American guy stretching a rebel flag behind him. Whaaaaaaaa? Pumpkin participated in the “Bobbing for Pigs Feet” event and she was only able to gnaw 2 of them out, she lost. Meanwhile, Honey Boo Boo and Chubbs decide they are going to do the “Mud Belly Flop” I don’t know who won that. Now as appalling as I find this family, I have to give props to June in two instances while they were at the “Redneck Games” One, she expressed her contempt for those individuals who, let’s say, let it all hang out. Well, she calls it “vagiggle jaggle” or something like that. Amen! Two, there’s a scene where several patrons are wading and/or swimming in the lake beside the venue. It’s a hot day and when the girls decide they want to go in, June says no because of all the “flesh-eating bacteria disease” and pan to a sign basically stating the river had recently tested high for bacteria, swim at your own risk, etc. It was a rare good parenting moment. Also in the first episode, Chubbs, who will be entering high school, decides she wants to lose some weight and she asks Mamma if she will diet with her. Whoa! One of the priceless pieces of advice on losing weight from June, “if you fart 12-15 times a day, you’re gonna lose weight.” She is a poet. Oh yeah, the farting! I say reality shows aren’t real unless you do show a little inappropriate behavior; these people were born for inappropriate behavior.
In episode two, Pumpkin, who takes etiquette lessons with Honey Boo Boo, expresses “I’ll stop passing gas when I’m dead” I laughed and hell, I laughed a lot at this show, I was entertained. Now I was surprised to learn, not really, that Alana has yet to win a “Grand Supreme” title at a pageant. In a nutshell, in future episodes, Honey Boo Boo will be made over to the hilt. And at some point, Chickadee will give birth. By the way, the Thompsons refer to the female genitalia as a biscuit. Again, not making this up! It makes sense, but I won’t go into the details.
After the shock wore off, and even though I was disappointed in TLC, I believe I’ll keep watching. Yes, I’m owning it! You better redneck-onize!