Courtney Stodden Turns 18 (In Dog Years)

Folks, I’m sorry, but I still don’t buy that this 80’s- looking, cracked out vixen is 18.

pophangover.com

She looks rode harder than most 40-year-olds I’ve seen and trust me, I’ve seen some rough ones and I know I’m almost 37, and I don’t look it, but what the hell is going on here? If Stodden is 18, I was out of high school and starting my freshman in year in college before she was born. Here’s what’s even more weird, Justin (Les) Bieber turned 18 in March. You cannot tell me this bitch is younger than him and his baby dyke face. Hell, she could be his mother!

Here’s looking at you Principal Rooney (idolator.com)

Not buying it! Nevertheless, now that Stodden is 48 18 and legal, she has gotten tons of offers to do porn, well why not? Exploitation (i.e. fake knockers) keeps your name out there, well mainly on TMZ, but it makes you seem interesting if not whorish. And I ask with all the other train wreck reality shows out there, why in God’s name has she not appeared on my TV yet? Whenever she was really born, Stodden’s plastic style and no substance screams TLC, VH1, Oxygen, and so on and so forth. The fact that she’s married to a D-list actor (Doug Hutchison) who is A LOT older than her, or maybe they’re the same age, is the icing on the reality trash TV cake! Pun not intended, screw porn! Oh and here’s me, Oprahized!

37 and proud of it, you got that Gayle?!?

 

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The PC Police Censor The Dukes’ General Lee!

“Never meanin’ no harm” (CJ Sorg/Flickr)

Sons and daughters! I express outrage over what I read yesterday. Although I can’t find an official statement from Warner Brothers, a hobby collector broke the news WB would be removing from its future toy General Lees… the Confederate Flag. Yes, iconic car will be sans Dixie starting January 1, 2013. I’ve seen a lot of outrageous political correctness, but this one takes the cake.

It has me thinking, “what’s next?” Just yesterday, Penn State, bless their hearts, announced Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” would no longer be played at home games due to the lyrics, “touching me, touching you” which I can understand, but how sensitive are we going to be? My mind is blown.

Bo and Luke Duke’s 1969 Dodge Charger is as iconic as the 80’s TV series itself. Confession time, I had a toy General Lee with Bo and Luke action figures when I was a kid. I’m sure they are long gone, but I’ll always remember that Charger darting down the dirt roads of Hazzard County, always outrunning Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane and the boys always had Waylon Jennings telling their stories. Just last summer, me, my 7-mo pregnant sister, and my brother-in-law walked blocks and blocks through Gatlinburg TN to Cooter’s, talk about un-PC. I kid. I’ve seen a General Lee many times and I still get giddy. Seriously.

Whether or not you agree with what the Confederate Flag stands for, it’s an enduring symbol of this country’s history. Even if Mississippi is the last state to keep the traditional representation on their state flag after other southern states evolved over the years, this symbol will never go away.

Just leave them Duke boys alone!

Random Movie Review: J. Edgar

One of the greatest memes ever!

Okay, this hilarious meme has nothing to do with J. Edgar Hoover or the film bearing his name, but it has a government feel and a sexy feel. But now I think about it, you would have NEVER heard the late FBI director say anything with the term “pussy” in it. That’s a joke, I think.
I had let my copy of J. Edgar from Blockbuster sit around for about a week until I finally decided to watch it last night. By the way, I’m giving up on DVD subscriptions for a while. Who has time? And in the end, I think going to a store or a Redbox is cheaper. Anyhoo, my Dad, a retired social studies teacher, had gone to see this movie and he wasn’t that wild about it. I knew I wanted to see it, but I wasn’t sure what I was going to get. Hoover, who served as FBI director for nearly 50 years, was a man ahead of his time in ways of gathering evidence via DNA and fingerprinting, but he also was known for secret wire taps and a very secret sex life. You know, that whole cross-dressing thing?

Hey sailor! (amazon.com)

There is only one scene in J. Edgar that alludes to Hoover’s fetish. SPOILER ALERT! When his mother dies, Hoover tries on one of her favorite necklaces and then proceeds to put on one of her dresses. And then he collapses into a sobbing ball on the floor. Leonardo DiCaprio is actually quite good as the controversial head G-man, and even better is Armie Hammer as Hoover’s longtime associate and probably lover, Clyde Tolson. Tolson is potrayed as the flamboyant one in the relationship, but he apparently did his share of work for the FBI. He was acting FBI chief after Hoover’s death in 1972 but was soon replaced by Nixon appointee L. Patrick Gray, and then Watergate figure Mark Felt AKA “Deep Throat”.

I found Hoover’s rigid personality a turn-off. The film is basically 75 percent flashback with Hoover dictating his life story to various agents in 1963. A bulk of the film is dedicated to the Lindbergh baby kidnapping and investigation. Hoover embellishes the story as he did with many other portions of his life. Though Charles Lindbergh’s body was eventually found, Hoover’s men arrested Bruno Hauptmann, he was then convicted and, under New Jersey law, put to death.

I’m usually a fan of Clint Eastwood‘s movies, but this one just didn’t flow and there wasn’t enough story about the years between Hauptmann’s conviction and when Hoover is dictating his story. I do applaud Eastwood’s effort to tell a little bit of a love story which Oscar-winner Dustin Lance Black wrote the script. If I was grading this, I would give it a solid C.

Wolf Gang/Flickr

PS, I want Bill Clinton back!

Nails For Hair, Mamma’s Got A Mugshot, AND A Pregnant Man Update

I feel like I should should be adorning a turban on my head and tearing open an envelope like Carnac to reveal what these three things have in common, but I got nothing. I think I would’ve been diagnosed ADHD because it’s hard to find one thing to write about, so I thought I would just go off and hit some highlights.

First up, this: WARNING if you are the “medical shows/issues make me squeamish” type.

When I heard about this story yesterday, and I looked it up, I was thinking about sharing the story with the tagline, “It Sucks To Be Her!”, however, I had a change of heart. Most cases like Isom’s are not found in lower 48. They are found in third world countries. Although there’s no way in hell I would ever become a doctor, these types of conditions fascinate me. I watched a documentary a couple of weeks ago about young boy from South America who had a giant mole covering part of his torso and all of his back and he was nicknamed, “Turtle Boy”.

quierosaber.wordpress.com

The mole was successfully removed and the Dieder was able to function normally and he got to attend school for the first time. God bless him and God bless Shanya Isom!

Yes, it’s true! According to starcasm.net, Honey Boo Boo’s Mom June Shannon (I know I used Thompson in my previous post, so this proves she and Sugar Bear are not married) was arrested–SHOCK!–four years ago and the charges? Contempt of Court and Theft by Taking. Uh huh. The article states this could have been a child support issue. Nevertheless, witness! I think this barn needs some love.

starcasm.net

Yeesh! I think she may have grown another chin since this glamor shot. And despite the naysayers, I’m going to continue to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, and I think I now know why I want to watch it. Call me redneck, but I see people like this family all the time where I’m from in Kentucky. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I get a kick out of it. Let’s just chart it up to one of my many guilty pleasure shows.

Finally, “Pregnant Man” Thomas Beatie is back in the news.

Slightly my ass!

When we last left Beatie, he/she had been punched in the crotch by his soon-to-be ex-wife Nancy, therefore he/she had been awarded temporary full custody of the couple’s three children, who were all given birth to by Beatie. So now we are at the divorce phase, but the Arizona judge presiding over the case is puzzled over whether Nancy and Thomas are/were legally married, because technically, the marriage is a same-sex one and same-sex marriage (thanks Jan Brewer!) is illegal in Arizona. But the marriage is supposedly being recognized as a “transgendered” union. To make things more confusing, Beatie has finally had the final female-to-male gender reassignment surgery, and his wife has yet to see him as a complete, physical man. I’d be scratching my balls, er, my head too if I were this judge. Hopefully, this will all be resolved, but no more womb.

Lord Give Me Strength Or Thoughts On Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

TLC used to be a network with just baby and medical shows, then Kate and Jon Gosselin showed up with their eight kids. This is when I think the shift happened. Personally, I’ve always liked Little People, Big World which is no longer airing, and I absolutely love The Little Couple. Now if a network wants to show a diversity of culture, that’s great, but when that diversity is a little too close to home and is yet another chance to exploit people, TLC does it time and time again.

So, I’ve never been a fan of Toddlers & Tiaras, but when a sassy kid with a catchphrase pops up on screen, it gets me every time. Six-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson is the second little pageant queen to get her own show. Logo, not TLC, aired Eden’s World earlier this year. Snooze! I never watched it. However, even though I knew it was going to be a total train wreck, I decided to give Here Comes Honey Boo Boo a shot. There are no words. but I’m going to attempt to express my thoughts.

tlc.com

The Thompson family lives in McIntyre, Georgia and where exactly is that? The largest city nearest to McIntyre is Macon. In other words, it’s BFE. Now when you look at this picture of Alana, and her family, you may not think much. You see the older house and you see Mamma June just a smiling. I hate to say this, but the other Thompson daughters, 17-year-old Anna- “Chickadee”, 15-year-old Jessica- “Chubbs” I’m not making this up! and 12-year-old Lauryn- “Pumpkin” are somewhat better-looking than Honey Boo Boo. I’m not clear on whether Mike-“Sugar Bear” is the father of all of these kids, but I don’t believe he and June are married. And he looks totally beat down and he always has a big chaw in his cheek. Oh, I’m just getting started on the stereotypes. By the way, June is 32, which means she was 15 when she had Chickadee, 17 when she had Chubbs, and so on.

If there’s one thing that gets on my nerves, it’s giving your kids nicknames. Chubbs? Really? If it’s easier to remember which kid is which, more power to them. In the first episode, the Thompsons take a trip to the “Redneck Games” which is just as OMG as you’re thinking. I swear to God, one shot was of an African-American guy stretching a rebel flag behind him. Whaaaaaaaa? Pumpkin participated in the “Bobbing for Pigs Feet” event and she was only able to gnaw 2 of them out, she lost. Meanwhile, Honey Boo Boo and Chubbs decide they are going to do the “Mud Belly Flop” I don’t know who won that. Now as appalling as I find this family, I have to give props to June in two instances while they were at the “Redneck Games” One, she expressed her contempt for those individuals who, let’s say, let it all hang out. Well, she calls it “vagiggle jaggle” or something like that. Amen! Two, there’s a scene where several patrons are wading and/or swimming in the lake beside the venue. It’s a hot day and when the girls decide they want to go in, June says no because of all the “flesh-eating bacteria disease” and pan to a sign basically stating the river had recently tested high for bacteria, swim at your own risk, etc. It was a rare good parenting moment. Also in the first episode, Chubbs, who will be entering high school, decides she wants to lose some weight and she asks Mamma if she will diet with her. Whoa! One of the priceless pieces of advice on losing weight from June, “if you fart 12-15 times a day, you’re gonna lose weight.” She is a poet. Oh yeah, the farting! I say reality shows aren’t real unless you do show a little inappropriate behavior; these people were born for inappropriate behavior.

In episode two, Pumpkin, who takes etiquette lessons with Honey Boo Boo, expresses “I’ll stop passing gas when I’m dead” I laughed and hell, I laughed a lot at this show, I was entertained. Now I was surprised to learn, not really, that Alana has yet to win a “Grand Supreme” title at a pageant. In a nutshell, in future episodes, Honey Boo Boo will be made over to the hilt. And at some point, Chickadee will give birth. By the way, the Thompsons refer to the female genitalia as a biscuit. Again, not making this up! It makes sense, but I won’t go into the details.

After the shock wore off, and even though I was disappointed in TLC, I believe I’ll keep watching. Yes, I’m owning it! You better redneck-onize!

We’ve Lost An EGOT: Marvin Hamlisch Passes Away

Officer Phil/Flickr

This summer, we have lost many famous and some talented people. But yesterday, we lost one of the most talented to ever walk the earth–sorry Mars!–award-winning composer and conductor Marvin Hamlisch.

Not only did Hamlisch win an “EGOT”, that’s an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, but he also won two Golden Globes and he’s one of two composers to win the Pulitzer Prize, the only other one being fellow EGOT Richard Rogers. I think of seeing Hamlisch on various music or variety specials, but I’m not sure I ever heard him sing. He enlisted Barbra Streisand, Carly Simon, and the cast of A Chorus Line to do it for him. A Chorus Line won Hamlisch his Pulitzer, and nine Tony Awards.

Some Barbra…from the Timeless concert for which Hamlisch won an Emmy for Outstanding Music Direction.

Carly Simon “Nobody Does it Better”

Some more Babs, “The Way We Were” which is the main reason Hamlisch has an EGOT

Here’s a personal favorite that was nominated for an Oscar but lost to a song from Norma Rae?

The last time I saw Hamlisch on TV was when he attended a birthday dinner party for fellow EGOT Liza Minnelli (Well, Minnelli isn’t considered a true EGOT because her Grammy was a “Special” award) that aired just last August on Bravo’s Rocco’s Dinner Party. I’ll miss him.

 

 

Danell Leyva: Girl, We Need To Talk

If you’ve been keeping up the Olympics, I mean Spoilers, the US Men’s gymnastics team hasn’t been as fabulous as the Fab Five aka Women’s team. I really don’t care about men’s gymnastics. Though I do love former US team member Tim Daggett’s color commentary. Someone needs to hose him down! What a goof ball. So, I normally don’t watch the men’s competition, but I’ve had remote control issues the past two days and I’ve been forcing myself to watch all the delayed NBC coverage. Well, I can’t remember if this was on Tuesday night or last night, but I perked up when I saw the towel Danell Leyva had draped over his shoulders.

Excuse me?!? (yardbarker.com)

All right, confession time, I have THAT towel! I have two of them, and a matching hand towel and wash cloth. Mine isn’t as chalk-dusted as Leyva’s, it’s just unusual to see what anyone else would consider an ordinary towel. I’m assuming, but I don’t really care, this towel is a good luck charm? My set was a gift and I still use them, observe:

A mini-towel of shame. (me)

Of course, I now realize that Leyva is getting attention for more than his pommel horse. He’s been tweeting out nude photos of himself. Pile it on God! And I think this may be a Wiener-type situation. Poor Danell. Does he not know about privacy? Nothing is, ahem, private anymore. Just think the places where his lucky charm has been. GROSS! On the other hand, I hold in my possession an exclusive Olympic item. Okay, I’m sure a lot of other people have the same towel set.

I wonder if I will feel more athletic or bold the next time I use my big towel? Oh dear. I guarantee it won’t get as dusty.