Honey Boo Boo Finale: It Is What It Is (Indeed!)

Well, we bid adieu to the Thompson clan in a hour-long finale and I think I laughed harder than I had at this episode than any other all season. Should I be ashamed? I know I should, but I don’t care. And good news! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been RENEWED, we’ll get to see how the Thompsons celebrate the “HOLLA-days”, YES! An undisclosed number of additional episodes of sneezing, farting, mud-bogging, and sassy-fying have also been confirmed.

Me after finding out the show had been renewed. (realitynation.com)

I’ll try to recap the finale as best as I can without getting too silly. First, we witness a family photo shoot with the Thompsons and Alana, being the diva she is, keeps acting up. And since we are in Georgia and it’s summer, the family is bitching about the heat and the gnats start to swarm. June “put a little paint on the barn” and Sugar Bear? Well he doesn’t dress up, “unless it’s for a funeral”, elegance at its best. I mean, did we or the photographer expect any less? I had a friend point out recently, Honey Boo Boo is NOT cute! I keep saying at least two of the sisters, Anna and Pumpkin, don’t look that bad. There’s no hope for Jessica aka Chubbs, who I wish would wear a size or two larger when it comes to a t-shirt! It drives me nuts when girls/women with big bellies wear shirts that are way too small. PLEASE STOP!

If those gnats could talk. (tlc.discovery.com)

Next, we moved on to more pageant prep, including swimwear, oh dear. Okay, now a friend of mine said last night that Sugar Bear’s little brother Lee aka Uncle Poodle appeared in the episode where the girls went to get pedicures. I must have blanked out, because all I could focus on was the saga of Forklift Foot. Anyway, Uncle Poodle shows up to get grass thrown at him and to show Alana a new routine. I’m glad the Thompsons are so gay-friendly, in fact Alana says at one point, “everyone’s a little gay”, true. If there’s one thing this show has accomplished, really?!?, it shows the family has no prejudices, and that is extremely rare in the South.

We soon learn that since Anna is on the verge of “full labor”, the pageant trek may not happen. You knew the season finale would include the birth of Kaitlyn Elizabeth, the child who has two thumbs on her right hand. Alana was cracking me up talking about the baby, “Kaitlyn arrived on the biscuit express”!!! I was dying. Around this point in the episode, in virtually every family member interview, a swarm of gnats gathered and the hilarity began. It got me to thinking, gnats do swarm in the summer, but after seeing Mama’s Forklift Foot, they also swarm around nastiness and disease. See what I’m getting at here? I’m just being a tad bit mean. Jessica used the term “rancid biscuit bad” to describe the smell of her new niece, okay, she couldn’t quite nail the odor, but it ended up being the smell of baby formula, which I can attest is not that fresh.

Nasty, gnat-covered memories…(facebook.com)

Was there another pageant in the works? Well of course, what would a season finale be without it. I forget what the pageant was called, but it looks like it was held in an old school gym with an old school stage, perfect! I won’t spoil the ending, but we do get to see Glitzy the pig again. That poor soul, those producers just wouldn’t give up without one more Glitzy appearance.

All in all, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a very poor example of how not to behave, kidding, but not kidding. I find it funny that the finale was titled, “It Is What It Is” because every episode could’ve had the same title. One additional chapter to this craziness, Sugar Bear was recently in a ATV accident with injuries so serious, it was said he might lose a leg. YIKES! I see a follow-up in the holiday specials forthcoming and I hope he’s okay, but I did not want to see his old, chawed up teeth up close, totally nasty.

That’s it, you better redneck-o-nize!

A Recap Of Things I Should Have Written About Already

This past week was mega-busy for me. Needless to say, I haven’t had a chance to blog or think or sleep. Now I have a chance to do a recap of some things I found fascinating last week.

Psy, “Gangnam Style” and his 15 minutes

A friend of mine called Psy’s “Gangnam Style” this generation’s “Rock Me Amadeus” which would make Psy the late Falco? South Korean rapper/crazy-ass dancer Psy has literally been everywhere. From the MTV VMAs to Ellen to last week’s SNL season premiere. Although I recall seeing a clip of Psy more than a month ago on Chelsea Lately and there was no way I thought this nut bar would take off. Now I could show one of those obnoxious dance videos, but instead, here’s drummer Matt Harw00d-Jones playing along with “Gangnam Style”, and this isn’t the only one.

Courtney Stodden gets an age-appropriate makeover

What? No more F-me look?!? It’s true…the photo.

Nice daughter you have there (wordever.com)

So supposedly, this was done to quell all those plastic surgery rumors. Right, whatever makes you happy honey.

Mitt Romney just won’t quit

But didn’t he look great in this interview?

We get it Mittens! (abcnews.go.com)

Good God, I cannot WAIT to NOT vote for this clown! Bottom line, Mittens’ father was born to AMERICAN parents in Mexico. That’s it, that’s where this appeal to the Latino vote ends. And I’m sorry, but his “47 percent” comment could be the final nail in the coffin. Seriously, shouldn’t you be trying to get EVERYONE, not matter who they are to vote for you? That’s how you win a Presidential election. I’m over it.

Is Lady GaGa really that hefty or is it an optical illusion?

Although GaGa has admitted to gaining 25 pounds, the camera may be a little less harsh than we’ve seen. It’s this photo from an event in Europe where she wears another meat outfit that has created the buzz.

Meat is good! (nydailynews.com/Splash News)

I mean are her thighs really as big around as a country ham? And honestly, how can she perform a high-energy, dance-laden show and not keep in shape? It’s all very weird, but do we turn up our noses at the fuller figure? Of course not. March 10th, Nashville, I’m there!

Where were you when Honey Boo Boo sneezed?

Yeah, if 2012 is our last year on Earth, I’m glad we got to see that. Season finale, tw0-thumbed baby, it’s this week! Set your DVRs!!!!

Finally, I love Hanson again.

Ah, Hanson. I swear I thought that one that has 30 kids was a girl when I first saw the “MMMBop” video. As the brothers continue to make music and pro-create at a record pace, they have time to cover what is turning out to be Taylor Swift’s biggest song ever. WATCH!

Yeah.

Doomsday Comes Early Or ‘Idol’ Keeps Randy Jackson AS A JUDGE?!?

Apocalypse Yesterday! (Flickr/tanyagelman)

You know, for a few weeks there, I thought the American Idol producers had finally come to their senses. They were going to shift Randy Jackson from the judges’ table to a mentoring role on the show next season in order to make room for an all-star judging panel, headed by his old buddy Mariah Carey. Unfortunately, some dreams just don’t come true.

Both TMZ and TVLine broke the news today that Jackson has indeed been thrown a lifeline and he will remain at the judges’ table for another season; 12 seasons, 10, soon-to-be 11 years, I smack my head. And you know why I bet Jackson is staying as a judge?

“I give my all, to this mediocre dawg.” (Flickr/Music Star22)

I also believe all that talk about a “fourth judge” a la Kara DioGuardi, then Ellen DeGeneres, has now been reserved for Jackson, who will join Carey, and two judges, Nicki Minaj and Keith Urban, who have both still been unable to sign the dotted line. No matter the outcome on just who will be joining the old married couple, American Idol is finished! Yes, like the Mayan calendar that ends on December 21st, I predict the upcoming season of ‘Idol’ will be its last. At some point, Fox has to acknowledge they have other better shows to focus on and to promote, not so fast GLEE! I’ll have to reserve my comments for another post, but I think GLEE has to step it up or they are in danger. I’ll just say this, I know the network is trying to keep its audience after The X-Factor USA by putting the dramedy on Thursdays, but I thinks it’s a cop out and we’ll never see if GLEE can compete with season 3 of The Voice. A friend pointed out to me last night, this is the second run of The Voice this year, which is smart. ‘Idol’ always launches in late January/early February, it ends in May, and it’s another eight months until the next season.

The wild card in all of this is The X-Factor USA which finally premieres its second season, with Britney and Demi Lovato in tow, this week. Simon Cowell  expressed upset after NBC revealed last week an extra installment of The Voice would go head-to-head with the premiere of The X-Factor USA this Wednesday. I’m not sure, but it may just be for this week or for the duration of the Blind Audition rounds. It’s going to be a dogfight for sure, on-screen and off.

And I know I’ve said this before, I hope ‘Idol’ keeps Jimmy Iovine, who would make a great fourth judge, oh well…

Bill Clinton’s Big Hands And Honey Boo Boo’s “Department Store”

My plan was simple, watch the rebirth of Slick Willy, then watch the fart machine. I think I made the right decision. Is Bill Clinton badass or what?

“Ze-ro!” (huffingtonpost.co.uk)

If I, or I should say we, could have one President for the rest of our lives, it would be Clinton, and not just for the razzle dazzle. Fact-checking aside, Clinton came correct in his DNC speech Wednesday night. I think he definitely re-energized the base and he did it going off script, seriously, why did they even bother with the teleprompter? Clinton is at his best when he charms and he speaks off the cuff. However, has he always had giant hands? And not just giant hands, but also, bony fingers. It’s true Clinton is half the man he used to be due to heart problems, and rumored veganism (notice I didn’t say vaginaism), but those hands creep me out! The only other guy with the exact same hands, this guy!

poorrichardnews.com

Head of State y’all! Wow, if Obama and Clinton had a baby, Chris Rock???? It’s just a theory. Will President Obama be able to stand out with his own nomination speech? It’s tough to tell. Clinton will always be a hard act to follow and there’s always mumblings of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton still thinking about White House run in 2016. We can all dream. And we’re all in this together. (I stole that line)

Meanwhile…

Never forget! (facebook.com)

It’s amazing how much lard can fill a half hour of TV. This week, Honey Boo Boo went wig-shopping at…wait for it…”Shh! It’s a Wig” in nearby Macon. As with the family’s visit to a spa earlier this season, the wigmaster/associate was a little taken aback by the Thompsons. Needless to say, Alana did NOT get a wig for her next glitz pageant. One line that made me laugh ever since I saw it in the coming attractions for the season, when Alana gets the panty hose put on her head for a wig, she says “I look like I’m gonna rob somebody!” Yep, it still makes me laugh, am I going to hell? Next on the agenda, Sugar Bear buys the family an above ground pool, since it’s soooooooooooo hot in Georgia. And let’s be honest, this series had to be shot LAST summer, thank God it wasn’t this summer or Mama would have swelled up like Jabba the Hutt. The pool made it to fruition, and Alana jumped in, and was bored with it after five minutes.

Next, I think, the family joined some friends for some four-wheelin’ and a fish fry. Now we’re talking. Well, there was this set-up that the gang was going to drive down to the local department store, little did I know, the department store?

Oh dear (mynews-today.com)

When they pulled up, I said out loud “Son of a bitch!” Yes, the Thompsons and their friend Tony, went dumpster diving! And at one point, Punkin got rolled up in a what I’m sure was a disease-ridden mattress. Crazy has went too far! The stereotype has gone too far! I love it! A story broke Wednesday investigating what kind of salary is the family making from the show. Here’s the story from TMZ. You’re damn right and since the show beat the RNC last week, I’d expect a salary upgrade, and maybe they won’t have to shop at dumpsters anymore.

I love this country.

 

What Was The Last Week Of August

I scribbled down a list yesterday of at least six subjects I wanted to touch on and I think I’m pleased. These won’t necessarily be in chronological order, but it’s all stuff that was talked about. Obviously, Clint Eastwood’s RNC “taking to an invisible Obama” was the most-talked about.

mashable.com

I’m still not sure what exactly went on. Was there a teleprompter? Who the hell thought of this? And did Eastwood’s imaginary scalding of the President hurt Mitt Romney’s chances at the White House? Honestly, I don’t think any faux pas at this point will help Romney; it just depends on what type of voter you are. Are you totally absorbed with every word the media spews on the election? or are you going to go on instinct? You have time and believe me, there will be missteps by both candidates to scrutinize. All I know is, Eastwood’s antics will be mocked at this week’s DNC. And scene!

While Vice Presidential candidate and Matthew Morrison doppleganger spoke to the delegates Wednesday night, no one was watching, they were watching this:

I was fully expecting Momma June to get up and ask “How YOU doin’?” It didn’t happen, but we were treated to June’s “forklift foot” and even though it was one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever seen (seriously, does she ever WASH her feet?) the toe looked like many I’ve seen on my Dad’s side of the family. Not impressed. Alas, I was watching Honey Boo Boo instead of Paul Ryan and so were millions of other Americans. Now, the conventions are usually lame, until the nominee speaks, and even though I bored to tears by Romney, it’s sad when a very important RNC is overshadowed by Alana and her fart face. Speaking of fart faces, here’s an unfortunately ill-timed shot of Tan Mom aka Patricia Krencil as she was roasted (bad choice of words) at a gay bar last week, oh and she was thrown out!

That chair was stained with more than tanning oil! (Getty Images/Andrew H. Walker)

On Friday, news broke that longtime American Idol judge Randy Jackson was demoted to a “mentor” role for the upcoming season. I called it! At this point, I really don’t care who will fill out the judges’ table, but I do care if Jimmy Iovine is bumped in favor of the Dawg. Let’s face it, Randy will be as useless as a mentor as he was as a judge. Lord help us!

“Come on dawg! I was in Journey for five minutes! (vh1.com)

On Saturday, Burt Bacharch’s longtime lyric collaborator Hal David passed away at 91. While Bacharach and David wrote many hits for Dionne Warwick, they composed some of the movies’ most famous tunes, including the Oscar-nominated theme song from 1966’s Alfie.

And finally, another YouTube gem was brought to my attention, Nick Pitera’s one-man Les Miserables medley. I was skeptical, but it’s really good, and it’s getting me more fired up for the new movie version coming out December 14th. Witness and sob!

If you scan YouTube, Pitera also has one-man performances of Phantom of the Opera, Newsies!, and a medley of Disney movie tunes. YOU GO GIRL!