Random Movie Review: The Descent

scarymovies.org

scarymovies.org

Yes, very random, but that’s the point. I was browsing my channels Saturday night and I came upon a movie I love, Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses, I scanned ahead to see what was going to follow and IFC essentially put together a really good scary triple feature. Following Zombie’s twisted debut was the gory torture flick Hostel. Even though I knew about the whole “Achilles heel” thing, I watched it unfold and then I quickly turned the channel. I had a friend visiting and all she could say was “it (the torture) only gets worse.”

The bookend of this horror trilogy was a movie I see often late at night on IFC. I first saw The Descent with two of my best friends when it was released in 2006 and I have to say it’s one of the most unusual horror films I’ve ever seen. I think caves are cool, but I doubt I will ever explore one again, and that includes Mammoth Cave. Leave to the Brits to deter another trip through “Fat Man’s Misery” for me. The film begins with a happy family white water rafting trip, and as the happy family is headed home, there’s a car accident and Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) loses her husband and daughter. Two of Sarah’s fellow cavers, Juno (Natalie Mendoza) and Beth (Alex Reid) were also part of the rafting trip, which doesn’t seem important until almost the end of the movie.

So one year after Sarah’s traumatic experience, she meets up with Juno, Beth, Sam (MyAnna Buring), and a new friend Holly (Nora-Jane Noone) in the Appalachians in the states for a little reminiscing and girl time. And what better way to spend girl time than to repel into a deep, dark cave. This is all, I guess, to cheer Sarah up. She has NO idea! If being in a dark cave (seriously, do batteries last that long?!?) isn’t scary enough, the creatures the ladies encounter are one of a kind. If you have ever been to Mammoth Cave, and you take the “Historic Tour”, near the beginning of the journey, all of the lights are turned off on the path and in the cave and your guide puts on a little torch throwing demonstration. Okay, I’m not sure the torch is thrown, but it’s kind of scary.

Now I only watched bits and pieces of The Descent the other night, but it all came back to me. No natural light, one of the girls breaks her legs and the others decide to crudely splint it, and there’s a bone sticking out. One of the girls gets a pick right through the jugular, it’s a bloody mess. After most of the party is eaten up by the creatures, one of the ladies determines these perhaps former humans, are totally blind, like bats, and therefore they move and they attack by their sense of sound. My friend made a funny comment that you close your eyes and only listen to it, it sounds like a porno. She wasn’t all that off theory. I was surprised to learn in the original cut of the film, Sarah doesn’t make it alive out of the cave; she only hallucinates that she does. Yes, the ultimate survivor, she crawls bloodied and battered out of the cave, is the only one left at the end of the film and I wouldn’t necessarily consider it a happy ending.

It’s original and I would watch it again and again. Grade: A-

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Bangs Don’t Lip-Sync Honey

Happy post-Inauguration! As usual, all of the social media interaction had very little to do with the meaning of the ceremony but more to do with who wore what, who acted weird, and who lip-synced for her life. I’m talking to you Queen B.

The ripped out ear piece was a rip off! (cdn.ndtv.com)

The ripped out ear piece was a rip off! (cdn.ndtv.com)

Aside from the not surprising revelation Beyonce went with a pre-recorded anthem, the main focus was on the Obamas. Sasha and Malia, Barack and Michelle and Michelle’s new bangs and Michelle’s Jason Wu Inauguration Ball gown. WERK!

fashionologie.com

fashionologie.com

Honestly, why do we care what these people look like? Sure, they are most scrutinized people on the face of the Earth, but I don’t see what the big fuss is. That was until I told my mother about Michelle’s new bangs.

The conversation went like this:

Me: “Did you see Michelle’s new bangs?”

Mom: “No.”

(You have to forgive my mother and my father, they don’t always keep up with breaking news, plus, they are Republicans, I ain’t mad at them.”

Mom: “I thought she had bangs already.”

Me: “She sort of did in the past, but this is a whole different look.”

(I turn the TV to Fox News, because the President was already sworn in on Sunday in private, but not private, because cameras were there. Mom see’s the First Lady’s bangs.)

Mom: “Well she looks like Flip Wilson!” (Mom laughed a lot and so did I.)

The late Flip Wilson had an award-winning variety show, “Flip”, in the 70’s and his most famous character by far was Geraldine. Wilson in drag? Hilarious!

More like a young Oprah.(blogs.centrictv.com)

More like a young Oprah.(blogs.centrictv.com)

After Mom made her funny, she ran immediately to the computer and she started looking up Geraldine pictures. She found some good ones, including this:

She is fierce! (flickriver.com)

She is fierce! (flickriver.com)

Of course, the one thing missing from yesterday?

YESSSS! (buzzfeed.com/imgur.com

YESSSS! (buzzfeed.com/imgur.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘The Office’ Was Actually Really Funny This Week Thanks To Meredith

I’ve been a loyal fan of NBC’s The Office ever since season one. There are way too many fall down funny moments from Steve Carell’s stint as dim-witted boss Michael Scott, but since the actor’s departure, things haven’t been quite as fall down funny. To add to the frustration, this is the last season, and although there have been a few moments, last night’s episode “Lice” was a definite throwback to the old shenanigans and to the chaotic comedy that Dunder-Mifflin used to house. Who knew Jim’s absence would take such a toll on Pam, the kids, AND the office.

Naturally, Dwight’s freak out and misguided jump into action attitude isn’t new, but it’s not Dwight who shines. God bless Kate Flannery aka Meredith Palmer. She has been an absolute riot to watch over these last eight years. It’s Meredith who goes a little too far when treating the sudden onset of  lice and I could not stop laughing.

And just for good measure, here’s a few of Meredith’s greatest hits:

I will, at some point, compile a list of my favorite episodes to commemorate the end of one of my favorite sitcoms, but for now, I’m going to savor the lice.

"Like Clooney", YouTube.com

“Like Clooney”, YouTube.com

The Dream Of The 2000s Will Live Again in 2013

Who knew the new year would start off with such huge, and I do mean HUGE, music news? In case you haven’t heard, both Justin Timberlake AND Destiny’s Child will release new music in the very, very near future. Both acts announced the news on the same day, what are the odds?

Here’s the tweet from Team Bey:

Now since Beyonce’ is performing at halftime at the Super Bowl in a couple of weeks, the speculation that she will reunite with Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams is rampant, and I pray it happens. Plus she also will be performing at the Inauguration, she has an HBO documentary due next month, and of course she is working on her next album, her first since her daughter Blue was born. Here’s the cover for the new cd, which will be in stores soon, January 29th to be exact. The trio’s first single in eight years and the only new song on the new compilation, “Nuclear” was produced Pharrell Williams and the release date has not been revealed.

Image

amazon.com/beyonceonline.com

Got it? Good. Now onto what I consider the bigger news, Justin Timberlake, with Timbaland’s help, will be putting out new music for the first time in almost seven years at midnight this coming Sunday. There’s a countdown clock on his website, and here’s the teaser video, complete with some dramatic yet subtle JT narration, no music. DRAT!

Are you ready? I am, and it better be “Jumpin’ Jumpin” and “SexyBack”! YES!

 

Downton Abbey vs. Honey Boo Boo

Yes, it’s been way too long since I’ve written anything. I fully intended to write some sort of “best of 2012” blog, but after seeing those all over the internet, I decided to wait out the barrage. Meanwhile, I received a wonderful Christmas gift, a Kindle Fire HD. We gave Dad the regular one back on Father’s Day, and one day while Mom and I were shopping, she asked if I would like to have something like the Kindle, and I said, “of course!” I am hooked! One thing I’ve been doing with my new toy is catching up on the mania of Downton Abbey. Since I am in the midst of a free trial of unlimited streaming via Amazon, I gave in and I love this show.

Dowager Countess y'all!/Downton Abbey Facebook

Dowager Countess y’all!/Downton Abbey Facebook

I love pretty much any British show, although I’m more fond of the comedies. But on occasion, I’ll indulge in some Masterpiece Theater. I’m not sure what has made Downton Abbey so popular, but I would say it would have to do with two things: Dame Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess and it’s an original story, not a remake. Okay, I guess it’s a little like another British drama which was recently remade, Upstairs, Downstairs, it’s just better, fresher.

Then there’s the 180…these people.

All thumbs/Honey Boo Boo Facebook

All thumbs/Honey Boo Boo Facebook

This coming Sunday, the British aristocracy will go head-to-head with Honey Boo Boo and her wacky-ass family as the first of several holidays specials will air, beginning with HOLLAween. Now if you watched CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage with Anderson Cooper and Kathy “Crotch Kisser” Griffin, the family was beamed in briefly from Georgia and poor Honey Boo Boo, was she comatose???? It’s as if she was prompted to say “Happy New Year” and CNN cut her off when she finally got off a “You better redneckonize!” RUDE! And Kathy agreed. Mama June has dyed her hair blonde, I guess that’s what it’s supposed to be and we learn she’s scared of mayonnaise. Yeah Pumpkin, a “marranaise sammich”…oh, how I’ve missed the Thompsons.

So, will it be the beginning of Downton Abbey season 3 (PBS stations 9pE/8pC) Or Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: A Boo Halloween (TLC 9pE/8pC)???? Here’s my plan, DVR Honey Boo Boo and watch the Crawleys in their entirety.

quickmeme.com/buzzfeed.com

quickmeme.com/buzzfeed.com