Bracketology: I Am A Moron But I Am A Happy Moron

Who knew the 2013 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament would be the ultimate exercise in futility. For example, right now, I’m streaming the VCU/Michigan game and although Michigan is the higher seeded team, I’ll bet you all the money people don’t win from this tournament, that 80 percent filled in VCU to win on their brackets. Why? Because the Rams reached the Final Four just two years ago. This where I start to laugh. (oh and the game is over, VCU lost to Michigan, 78-53) Does the dynamic of a National Championship contender really change that much in two years? Well, it’s changed for damn sure this year. Meet the Florida Gulf Coast University Eagles.

If you recall last year’s tournament, not one, but 2 no. 2 seeds (Duke and Missouri) were upset in Second Round. And although it only happened once this time, for some reason, FGCU’s 10 point victory over South Region no. 2 Georgetown is a huge deal. And the Eagles are legit, they are tall, um, athletic:

What the what? Chase Fieler’s one-handed alley-oop dunk is one of the many reasons it’s called March Madness. You see that and your maybe already failed bracket doesn’t matter anymore. The tournament is all about David slaying Goliath, and damnit if my alma mater, Western Kentucky University, didn’t almost slay a big opponent, the second-overall no.1 seed (in the South Region) the Kansas Jayhawks.

On paper, you would never in a million years think the Hilltoppers, who struggled mightily this season, could hold Kansas, a no. 1 seed, to 64 points, well they did. The Toppers lost by only seven points. Overall no. 1 seed Louisville beat play-in team North Carolina A&T by by 31. That’s how a 1 vs. a 16 is supposed to go. If WKU had shot better in the second half, they would’ve slayed the no. 1 seed. The days of the no. 1 seed’s invincibility are waning. I’m just glad WKU almost accomplished it. I’m extremely proud.

As for all the other losers. I’m talking to you Wisconsin, Belmont, Bucknell, Davidson, Pittsburgh, Notre Dame, NC State, and New Mexico. REALLY?!? I’m especially disappointed in Davidson, who lost by 1 to Marquette on Thursday. This is another team, that in recent years, did well in the tournament. Too bad, they can’t clone Stephen Curry. Aside from Louisville, all the other no. 1 seeds are very vulnerable, especially Kansas and Gonzaga. Well, Indiana is too, but at this point, I think they can least make it to the Elite Eight, and maybe the Final Four.

Personally, in virtually of my brackets, no I didn’t burn them, I’m not that violent, I have Louisville and Miami (FL) meeting for the National Championship, with of course, Louisville winning. Bring it on!

Dance Moms: Rosa Parks Was White?

This post should really be a very honest and open letter to Jill. I’ve never liked Jill, and this season, her non-likeability is at an all-time high. I’m just glad the other Moms sit back and enjoy the crazy train. Oh Kendall, it will get better.

Like right there. Jill decided last week, or was it the week before, to take Kendall to get new head shots. It’s a fine idea, but yes, Jill had to bogart the last few takes. Who’s really the star here? All I know is the Dance Moms producers, which I’m sure by now Abby is one of them, they are evil geniuses. We all know Cathy is supposed to be the hated one, but really on the show, it goes both ways. Okay, let’s do a little bit of a recap.

Basically, last night’s second two-hour episode was dedicated to Abby sick of losing, and she decides to take her team to Cincinnati, Ohio for a competition and of course the Candy Apples will be there. The group number is entitled “Rosa Parks” and for some devilish reason, Abby doesn’t decide right away to give Nia the lead. Now before I get to the insanity, Abby decides Holly needs a fashion makeover. So naturally, Abby takes Holly shopping, however, what the hell is Jill doing there? She makes up some bogus excuse that she wanted “to be there” for Holly. Right. OH JILL, are you really trying to convince Abby that Kendall should have the lead or “special part” as she calls it AS ROSA PARKS?!? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Parks was ever white. I guess I have to admire Jill for trying, but seriously? I love how Holly acts aloof  during the whole situation. She knows the real meaning of the story Abby wants to tell, and by the time we get to the number, Nia knows it too.

Oh let’s visit the Candy Apples for a moment. Cathy is convinced, once again, her boys will beat the ALDC girls. We actually got to see a little more of Vivi in this episode, and she was doing things besides mouth-breathing, like participating in a very short private lesson from her mother. Vivi also got to help Cathy shop for costumes for Jalen, who is the Maddie of the Candy Apples, and hell if Vivi didn’t try on the clothes. Not only is Vivi a “human prop” but she’s now in the early stages of transitioning. Way to go Cathy! In addition to getting occupation-based costumes for Jalen, Cathy brought in a choreographer whom I’m sure wasn’t cheap. Cathy claimed he had worked with “Jay-Z and Beyonce.” Whoa, it had better be good, but in typical Candy Apples fashion, things fell apart. You see, little Jalen was supposed to change costumes throughout his routine, and he couldn’t recover after his first quick change failed. His Dance Dad is something else; I just think it’s a little odd, but so is this entire series. Oh, and Cathy’s group number? “Candy Apple Style” Kill me now! My favorite part was when Jalen pulled one of these.

Chloe and Paige did a duet in mini-saloon girl outfits. And…they won! Gold star for Paige, finally. Maddie dressed as some type of match girl and she easily beat Jalen and Jalen’s meltdown. Now to Kendall, she worked with Abby on her facial expressions, and although she didn’t beat Maddie, she finished second, which is the best she’s ever done. One other annoying Jill moment, Mackenzie, who was “benched” this week for faking a foot injury, with Abby’s blessing, became the team’s make-up artist for the week, and of course Jill pissed on it and she didn’t think it was a good idea. Did I mention I don’t like her? Naturally, the climax of the episode was when the group performed their “Rosa Parks” number, with Nia as the lead.

And although the ALDC’s routine wasn’t quite as loud as Big Boi’s Mets jacket, it was classic Abby. Simple and theatrical, except when Brooke got lost at the end. Who cares? They beat Cathy! That’s all that matters. And while the post-competition wasn’t as catty, Cathy had two bodyguards with her, again, this is genius production.

I sense the season finale is soon, but next week, I think we are back to one-hour episodes. And I’m sure Kendall will still not be at the top of the pyramid.

The Women’s Health Magazine List That Finally Made Me Cringe

For the past year or so, I’ve been mysteriously subscribed to Women’s Health magazine. As in, I never voluntarily subscribed to it, but after all this time, I haven’t really minded. I’m not paying the bill…or am I? The aim of the magazine is to make women feel empowered in all areas of their lives, i.e. diet/recipes, exercise, health & beauty, and love & sex. Oh boy. I just received the April issue with Smash star Katharine McPhee on the cover and honestly, I’m able to tolerate her these days.

A little hotness if you please.

A little hotness if you please.

A women’s magazine is supposed to have the usual “how to” stuff, but one sex-related list in this particular issue made me cringe, shiver, and almost roll my eyes into the back of my head.

“The Top 10 Tracks to Play During Sex” Oh dear God! At first, I glanced at it until I read through the list. Now I’m not sure who came up with this list; the only supporting info is that music service Spotify “found its users were 40 percent more likely to be turned on by songs more than another’s touch or feel”. Really? Personally, a lady’s touch and feel will always work 80-100 percent of the time for me. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever “done it” with the aid of music. Now with the aid of TV, yes, but only because it just happened to be on. I can only remember one time during a make-out session, some Ani DiFranco was playing (yes, I’m a stereotype!) and I did like it. Okay, maybe this getting a little TMI.

Anyways, here’s the list and I have to warn you, just reading the titles may make your libido disappear completely and for that, I apologize.

1. Any song from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack Not a terrible choice, because we all know that one scene with where Baby and Johnny finally do it, “Cry to Me” by Solomon Burke is playing, but guess what? It’s NOT on the original release. It didn’t make the cut until the 2oth anniversary edition which is lame. I just don’t know if I would want to get it on to all the other slow jams like “In The Still of the Night” or “She’s Like the Wind” UGH! Strange choice.

2. Marvin Gaye, “Sexual Healing” Duh! Again, not my cup of tea, but the late great Gaye would want you to work one out.

3. Ravel, “Bolero” This is the only classical offering on the list and it’s another strange one. I think of one thing when I hear “Bolero”, Torvill and Dean at the ’84 Winter Olympics. Not sexy.

4. Berlin, “Take My Breath Away” Yes, this one I’ll accept as a mood-inducer. It’s the synthesizer. Hey, it worked in Top Gun.

5. Any song performed by Barry White Cop out. Now a woman with a deep voice? Maybe.

6. Marvin Gaye, “Let’s Get It On” Too obvious.

7. The Righteous Brothers, “Unchained Melody” CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGE!

WARNING! The train really goes off the tracks with two of the last three.

8. Celine Dion, “My Heart Will Go On” Cringe, question mark, why God?, and do people really do it to Celine??? I can think of better Celine tracks than this to achieve pleasure. Oh, that was a misprint. I meant achieve insanity. (I do love her though)

9. Serge Gainsbourg, “Je T’Aime Moi Non” Say what? Wait! This is actually more like it. French is the language love, right? Personally, this one is better.

Finally at 10. Whitney Houston, “I Will Always Love You” Let her rest in peace. And why not Dolly Parton’s original version?!? Sorry, but both are mood killers.

Way to go Women’s Health, but please, keep putting out the lovely covers (wink!).