Okay, before you stop reading, this post will NOT be all about Beyonce’s stunning new pixie cut. I’m going to take a few current topics and tell you what I think they mean. And we will start with Mrs. Carter. What does it mean? It means a lot of people will be wasting their time on Twitter analyzing and humorously carrying on about a friggin’ haircut. And let’s be honest, she probably just snatched her weave. I have feelings about the haircut, but I haven’t been able to fully process them yet.
A-Rod’s infinite suspension
What does it mean? It means this no-talent, overpayed, whiny dickbag may never play MLB again. As you can tell, I have zero love for Rodriguez. I’ve never liked him and when he joined the Yankees, I really, really, really didn’t like him. If A-Rod does get to play again, he will be nearly 40. Not many 40-year-olds can play out one or two more years in the big leagues. And I heard the other night, the Yankees farm system is virtually dead with no hopes of any future stars and/or good trading material available. It’s the great Bronx meltdown and I am loving every minute of it.
Lady GaGa releases this video
What does it mean? Uh, I know I should have something witty to say, but I don’t. And by the way, why is everybody shocked that she’s naked? Jesus, if you haven’t seen GaGa naked by now, go and look at Beyonce’s haircut again. This extreme yoga, called the Abramovic Method, video reminds me of a Wes Anderson film. It just needs some catchy retro music, or some Boots Randolph. Oh and if you haven’t heard her leaked track “Burqa” (some sites are naming it “Aura”), I implore you to skip it! I already have a sinking feeling Artpop is going to be an “art flop”, and I hate that for GaGa. I think she should’ve just laid low and she should’ve taken the rest of the year off. If you are curious, click here to hear the demo; lyrics are included.
Miley Cyrus releases the name of her new album, BANGERZ
What does it mean? I believe we can safely say now Cyrus has crossed over to the dark side, as in, no more Hannah Montana, EVER! I’ve had a lot of cruel things to say about Miley, and here’s some more. If she thinks she will ever be as successful as a (gulp!) Lady GaGa, P!nk, or hell Madonna with her new schtick and sound, she needs to step back about 500 feet. She’s pretty much a novelty act; it’s all about the display of questionable, staged behavior and a few okay tracks. Yes, I like “We Can’t Stop” the song, NOT that silly video. It turns out, I can wait to see her again.