Larry The Quaker Oats Guy

(Courtesy of fiberisthefuture.com)
Where the hell have I been? The Quaker Oats guy is named Larry? It was revealed this week, the company has decided to give “Larry” a makeover, as to adapt to society’s new attitude towards a healthier lifestyle.
But that’s not the real story. When I see at this dignified looking Quaker, but wait is he really a Quaker?, I think of a more dignified name like John, Thomas, Patrick, or hell even Phineas. But Larry? Larry is the name of a Stooge, Larry is the name of a Cable Guy, it is NOT the name of a Quaker. The only Quaker I know is our late President Richard Nixon. Richard is a good name, why not Richard? Or Dicky? For the hell of it, I looked up some other famous Quakers, and I was surprised: Susan B. Anthony, Ben Kingsley, and Bonnie Raitt. Here’s the full Wikipedia (trust!) list.
Now to the makeover. 
(Courtesy of online.wsj.com)
Larry has lost his double chin, his lovely white tresses have been shortened to make him look thinner, but we still don’t what’s below the shoulders. Like Clay Aiken, Larry has had some fat sucked out of his face. Oh that’s good Larry, take a short cut! Don’t encourage me to eat your precious oatmeal that is just sitting in my cabinet, beckoning me to prepare it you smug bastard! I’m just overwhelmed. I’m all for healthy, but that name will bother me for a while.

Lee Who???…It’s All About This Guy…

Okay, we all knew Crystal was not going to win…and I know this is mean-spirited, but Lee DeWyze will be forgotten, at least outside of American Idol circles, in 6 months, maybe less…I won’t rant yet again about how this season was terrible…I just hope the Idol producers finally realize the same thing…I was just as cynical watching the finale as I was watching the last few weeks…I’m just very disappointed…
The show itself had some nice moments…Paula returned with bad stand-up sending her former nemesis Simon Cowell on his merry way…and was it just me or did the other judges look like they were a little surprised Paula was there??…oh hell, they knew the Simon farewell was not complete unless she was there…as far as weird moments go…Dane Cook sang a song consisting of some of Simon’s most famous Idol zingers and at the end, some of the Idol rejects stormed the stage and I think it was planned…then some of them stared to hog a microphone, including my personal fave, Norman Gentle/Nick Mitchell…they cut off that trainwreck very quickly and cut to commercial…another weird and beyond weird moment was when Idol gave Gen. Larry Platt and “Pants on the Ground” some more airtime…complete with saggy panted hip hop dancers with their caps turned sideways…all of a sudden, William Hung popped up…Good Lord why?…moving on…
The musical performances were hit and miss…the typical pairing of an Idol contestant with a music act was the norm of course…the best?:
Yes!!!…I’d say Bret Michaels’ appearance was the biggest surprise and the best kept secret…the show started out with all the top 12 in school uniforms and singing “School’s Out”…complete with Orithani and Alice Cooper!!!…yes, Idol got a little odd there…but it was cool…well Christina Aguliera got her 15 minutes after a week that started off with the cancellation of her summer tour, and she did okay with a ballad from her new album…when I started watching the show live, Hall & Oates joined the Idol guys for a medley…the Crystal/Alanis Morrisette duet was awesome, I guess Alanis had to stand in for the elusive Melissa Etheridge, who could not appear on the finale because she appeared a few weeks ago on Dancing With the Stars????…oh those pesky TV contracts…Lee got to jam with Chicago..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…he’s from there you know!…UGH!…another surprise, I guess, Janet Jackson, who was looking really good…new short haircut…I likey!…
The show climax? a reunion of all the Idol winners, but one was missing!…and I didn’t even notice David Cook was absent…and many other former Idol contestants joined in on stage…but NO Clay Aiken or Adam Lambert!!!…wrong!…the story with Glambert’s abscence, he’s on vocal rest before he kicks off his tour…I’d say that’s a fair reason…he’s a smart one…unfortunately for me, his Louisville show on July 10th is sold out…but…he’s also appearing in Nashville at the Ryman on July 7th…PLEASE PRAY I GET TICKETS!….
So, Simon is gone….thank you sir for these past 9 seasons and best of luck with your future projects…The X-Factor better be good Cowell!

News Flash: Ellen Joins American Idol!!!


Yes, this news is true and it’s fabulous!…Ellen DeGeneres will be joining the show’s 9th season in Paula Abdul’s place as the fourth judge…Paula could not come to contract or dressing room terms with Idol, so she bailed…we’ll see her again next Thursday as hostess of VH1 Divas…many guest judges, including Katy Perry, Victoria Beckham, Kristen Chenoweth, Shania Twain, and Neil Patrick Harris???..have been sitting in on auditions for next season…Ellen made the announcement during the taping of her talk show Wednesday, it will probably air next week and she told the audience she will NOT be giving up her day job…here’s a few quotes from Ellen:

“I’m not leaving here. Don’t worry about that. I’m going to have a day job and a night job. The times we’re living… in we’re all doing that.

“Hopefully I’m the people’s point of view because I’m just like you,” she added.

“I sit at home and I watch it and I don’t have that technical…I’m not looking at it in a critical way from the producer’s mind. I’m looking at it as a person who is going to buy the music and is going to relate to that person. So I’m hopefully going to be that voice of what we’re all doing at home.”

Well said and I think it’s about time Idol had a judge who isn’t a music industry expert, producer, performer, or songwriter…Ellen is extremely popular; Fox has made a superb move…most importantly, she can be big cheerleader for the Adam Lamberts and Clay Aikens who might grace the stage…but, she’ll be objective…after all, here’s what she was doing on the season premiere Tuesday:

When Ellen dances, the world is a better place…good night!

Glambert responds to Gayken…

I know, I know…I didn’t plan to blog about AMERICAN IDOL after the finale, however, the Clay Aiken vs. Adam Lambert controversy finally grabbed my attention…

Essentially, how this all began…Clay, who isn’t really doing anything right now besides raising his son, decided to blog about Adam’s performance of “Ring of Fire” this season on Idol by saying

“At that moment, [I] thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful, and slightly frightening,” Clay wrote.

Gayken went on to say Idol was more about flashy performances then actual singing these days…and that flashiness, although he didn’t say, referred directly to Adam Lambert…and I wonder, does anyone remember when Clay performed “Grease” on IDOL?

Yeah…uh huh…watch those hips honey! So, here’s some highlights of what Lambert said in response to Clay’s comments:

“I don’t know Clay,” Adam told Access Hollywood on Thursday morning after performing on the “Today Show.” “I’m glad he’s getting headlines now though, because he wasn’t before.”

“If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him,” Adam told Access, giving Clay the thumbs up sign.

BITCH SLAP!…however, there’s also been outrage over Glambert not coming out after the completion of the competition…and yet, several pictures continue to pop up online supporting Adam’s true sexuality…he’s probably one of those who thinks “why should I have to say it?”…maybe he’s protecting his privacy and his family–WTF?!
Then you have to remember, Aiken didn’t come out until September of last year, but we all knew!…we didn’t need flash cards!

Happy Weekend!