Larry The Quaker Oats Guy

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Where the hell have I been? The Quaker Oats guy is named Larry? It was revealed this week, the company has decided to give “Larry” a makeover, as to adapt to society’s new attitude towards a healthier lifestyle.
But that’s not the real story. When I see at this dignified looking Quaker, but wait is he really a Quaker?, I think of a more dignified name like John, Thomas, Patrick, or hell even Phineas. But Larry? Larry is the name of a Stooge, Larry is the name of a Cable Guy, it is NOT the name of a Quaker. The only Quaker I know is our late President Richard Nixon. Richard is a good name, why not Richard? Or Dicky? For the hell of it, I looked up some other famous Quakers, and I was surprised: Susan B. Anthony, Ben Kingsley, and Bonnie Raitt. Here’s the full Wikipedia (trust!) list.
Now to the makeover. 
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Larry has lost his double chin, his lovely white tresses have been shortened to make him look thinner, but we still don’t what’s below the shoulders. Like Clay Aiken, Larry has had some fat sucked out of his face. Oh that’s good Larry, take a short cut! Don’t encourage me to eat your precious oatmeal that is just sitting in my cabinet, beckoning me to prepare it you smug bastard! I’m just overwhelmed. I’m all for healthy, but that name will bother me for a while.