Even Lady Lovers Have Man Crushes

Okay, I realize it’s been nearly three months since I posted anything. LORD! And I won’t go through all the excitement in pop culture that’s taken place in that time period. Of course I want to go on a Honey Boo Boo rant, but, we all saw that coming. Not the unfortunate sexual abuse allegations, but the show wasn’t going to last forever. Shame on Mama June! I’ve said my piece.

The topic I am going to talk about, I totally ripped it off from a podcast I listened to earlier today. Plus I watched this, and it made me laugh!

Even I’m being honest I only have two real man crushes, wait, three. In no particular order, let’s take a gander.

Ewan McGregor

ewan_mcgregor_99

Hand to God, my sister had this picture up on the inside of her bedroom door. I find him crush-worthy for two reasons. He has nice eyes, and he’s a Star Wars legacy. Yes, the last trilogy sucked, but McGregor cast as Obi-Wan Kenobi was perfect. Though he may not feel the love of the fans, he’s a good guy, and I like looking at him.

Ewan-McGregor-hottest-actors-1083402_1369_1433

Brad Pitt

brad-pitt-workout-fightclub

Here’s where I get picky. I’m only crushing on the Fight Club Brad Pitt. Today we have Channing Tatum as a one of the models of a perfect man. Sorry Gosling. In that moment, Tyler Durden was the perfect physically-looking guy I had ever seen. Now I should point out when I was crushing on all these dudes, I was not out yet. I was still window shopping so to speak. Here’s another Durden.

movies_cause_chaos_with_tyler_durdens_oliver_peoples_523_sunglasses_from_fight_club_003And, don’t laugh.

Leonardo DiCaprio

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Again, I crushed on Leo from the mid to late 90s. There’s only one reason I love Leo, he looks very womanly in the face, or is feminine a better fit? I mean, come on.

leonardo-dicaprio-swanHe posed with a swan! A SWAN! Even though I loved both movies, I prefer the “king of the world” over “the wolf of wall street”. What’s even more disheartening to me now, Leo turned 40 the other day; he still looks fine, but he’s not truly pure-looking to me anymore. He’s aged, but he’s aged okay.

handsome-leonardo-dicaprioOOF! Maybe not. It’s pictures like this that make me glad to be a pure blood, gold star, card carrying lady lover.

Who’s Ready For Some Summer TV? This Girl Is!

I preface this post by saying, my head may explode after Tuesday night. Why? There are a plethora of brand new seasons of some of my favorite shows returning this week. Let’s get right to it!

MONDAYS: Season 5 of The Real Housewives of New York City begins!

Um, aren’t there a few missing? (nydailynews.com)

Yes, Jill Zarin, Alex McCord, Kelly Killoren-Bensimon, and last season addition Cindy Barshop are GONE! Frankly, I think letting Jill go was a mistake; her fights with Ramona Singer are legendary. Fans were probably skeptical when Bethenny Frankel left after season 3, but season 4 was very ridiculous and entertaining. Of course, the show continues for the Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, Ramona, and Sonja Morgan, who joined the cast in season 3. And when wives are let go, new ones must be found. In this season’s case, former designer Heather Thomson, author Carole Radziwill, and amputee (seriously!) Aviva Drescher have been brought in. I think my skepticism about the new “wives” is very high. But Aviva’s fake leg? I’m intrigued! (Bravo, Monday nights, 9E/8C)

TUESDAYS: Dance Moms, Rizzoli & Isles, and The Glee Project

mylifetime.com

Well obviously, we need to first address a new season of Dance Moms (the original). When we last left Abby Lee Miller and company, Maddie lost her mental focus and she screwed up royally and Abby literally left the girls and Moms at the competition after Cathy’s Candy Apples BEAT Abby’s Junior dancers by one point. One positive, Chloe ended up receiving a scholarship from the Joffrey Ballet in New York, and she beat one of Abby’s defectors, Kendall. And we all remember Kendall and her Mom Jill from last season! Cheap cowboy hat ring a bell? I gave Dance Moms: Miami a chance, but it didn’t take, Abby is where it’s at and I can hardly wait! (Lifetime, Tuesday nights, 9E/8C)

Love them! (tntdrama.com)

Tuesday marks the return and third season of Rizzoli & Isles. I’ve only recently started watching Jane (Angie Harmon) and Maura (Sasha Alexander); I caught the tail end of season 1 and I watched all of last season. It’s a great show and it’s nice to see an all-female team fight crime again. Harmon and Alexander have a great chemistry, which has created a whole lot of “are they or aren’t they?” subtext for lesbian fans of the show. It’s hilarious how obvious it is sometimes. (TNT, Tuesday nights, 9E/8C)

(oxygen.com)

Last, but not least, The Glee Project is back for a second season. As you recall, Damian McGinty and Samuel Larsen were co-winners of season 1 and McGinty easily got more camera time, even though he was just another kid in the choir room in the last couple of episodes. Lindsay Pierce and Alex Newell also got to appear on the show, Newell in a prominent role as “Unique” star singer of New Directions’ biggest rival, Vocal Adrenaline. 14 fresh faces, including a blind boy and a girl in a wheelchair, will vie for a coveted role on the FOX hit series. This season, in fact I think in the first episode, the contestants will wet their pants when Lea Michele/Rachel Berry serves as a guest mentor. And as usual, co-creator Ryan Murphy, choreographer and co-producer Zach Woodlee, and casting director Robert Ulrich will make the call on who makes it to safety each week. (Oxygen, Tuesday nights, 10E/9C)

And I guess I’ll be smacked in the face if I don’t mention season 5 of True Blood begins June 10th. New faces this year? Scott Foley plays an old Army buddy of Terry (Todd Lowe) and apparently Foley will shake things up. Christopher Meloni joins the cast as Roman, a member of the Vampire Authority. 

This ain’t OZ. (hbo.com)

And of course, Sookah, Beel, Eric, Lafayette, Jason, Jessica, Pam, Alcide, etc. will all be back, but will Tara (Rutina Wesley)? She sort of got shot and killed in last season’s finale; I have a feeling Alan Ball, who will step down as show runner, will go all Ryan Murphy on us and I bet he’s found a way to keep Tara on the show. And I believe Denis O’ Hare AKA Russell Edgington found his way out of the pavement. NO SPOILERS!   (HBO, Sunday nights, 9E/8C)

Review: Hatfields & McCoys

I would like to first congratulate the History Channel on their fine production, though it was shot in Romania, it was really goodPart one of Hatfields & McCoys drew the biggest audience ever for a “non-sports show on ad-supported cable” with 13.9 million viewers, until final numbers for the conclusion just came in: 14.3 million for the finale, incredible. It’s not surprising at all considering the summer re-run season has started. Another difference, this story was told with real actors and it wasn’t one of those historical re-enactment shows, I cannot stand those. The mini-series reunites star Kevin Costner with his buddy and director Kevin Reynolds, Reynolds directed one of Costner’s first films Fandango, and went on to direct Costner again in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and WaterworldCostner served as an executive producer, and his band, Modern West provided the soundtrack for this mini-series.

So how did all this start? The history of the feud goes back to before the Civil War ended Randall MCoy‘s cousin Asa, a Union soldier, was killed over (?) though the mini-series has Asa insulting Anderson Hatfield‘s Uncle Jim Vance, therefore Vance avenges his honor. By the way, I saw the name Tom Berenger in the credits but I could never figure out his role, Berenger is nearly unrecognizable as Vance and Vance is pure evil. But the official beginning of the feud is true, it was over a Hatfield stealing one of Randall’s hogs. And yes, Anderson’s son, Johnse, fell in love with Roseanna McCoy, and Johnse, it would seem, is the reason the feud kept going on as long as it did.

Matt Barr plays Johnse and Lindsay Pulsipher, last seen as Crystal one of the Were Panthers on last season of True Blood, plays Roseanna.

“Can I tie you up and claw at you?”

I asked my Dad, who used to be a history teacher, if guys looked like Johnse back then. I mean, Johnse had a rocking six-pack! My Dad said “Sure”, I forgot all the hard work our forefathers did with their hands, so muscle definition was possible and the Hatfields ran a logging company. Unfortunately, my heredity is sans six-packs, my Dad’s family, a lot them have big guts, some as big as a beer belly. Not me! I will probably never have rocking abs, but I do have a little bit of a gut. Johnse also marries another McCoy, Nancy, played by Jena Malone, who it looks like went to great lengths have the appearance of bad teeth.

Parts two and three were definitely better and they were a lot more bloodier, duh! Eye for an eye is an understatement. And who can play a weathered, old pioneer woman better than Mare Winningham as Sally McCoy?

I smell an Emmy, maybe a Golden Globe?

Bill Paxton plays Randall, who seems to be the only one who isn’t totally hell-bent on killing  every Hatfield in sight. Which brings me to the argument, who is better, Hatfield or McCoy? Although the Hatfields were the more affluent family, due to their logging business, they seemed to be more blood-thirsty. Whereas the McCoy clan, though wronged, were still blood-thirsty, I found myself sympathizing with them more. Or maybe it’s my Kentucky pride. 

I do want to touch on that ending. “Devil Anse” Hatfield proclaims the bloodshed to be over after his nephew Ellison “Cotton Top” Mounts is hanged for the murder of McCoy daughter Alifair, it’s the only time we see a trial verdict handed down instead of an eye for an eye. Meanwhile Randall lopes off into seclusion to drink away what days he has left, after Sally is institutionalized following the same attack that killed her daughter. Then cut to “1914 Kentucky” and Randall is seen burning all the news clippings about the feud and when he decides to fuel the fire with whiskey, he sets himself and his cabin on fire. On the other side of the babbling brook state line in WV, Anse is seen being baptized and that’s the end. Huh? I was a little insulted, was the History Channel trying to tell us, the McCoys were a bunch of drunken fools? or were the Hatfields the anointed ones? 

The debate continues…and did you like Hatfields & McCoys?

Donna Summer Gets Bumped AGAIN, Attack Of The Catsuits, And P2 Wins American Idol

When I read who all was going to be performing with the American Idol finalists yesterday, I got very excited, and in the end, I fast forwarded through A LOT when I got home. I was most excited Kristin Chenoweth was going to join now runner-up Jessica Sanchez in a Donna Summer tribute. Well, I had totally forgotten about it, but then I realized, they probably cut it from the show. Seriously??? They hauled out John Fogerty for winner  Phillip Phillips, Chaka Khan (we’ll return to her in a moment) for the ladies, and Neil Diamond for the guys, but they CUT Donna Summer?!? I did some investigating, because I knew there had to be an explanation as to why the tribute medley didn’t happen. Several media outlets promoted Chenoweth’s appearance, but then I couldn’t find why we didn’t see her. I checked Chenoweth’s Twitter and I finally saw an answer:

Wrong again Uncle Nigel! Did he honestly forget that Summer was a guest judge and performed with the girls on the finale in Season 7? I’m more angry over this bump than I am the Billboard Music Awards bump. Not cool!

As far as what I did watch on the finale, there were some odd moments and one spectacular performance. First of all, Joshua Ledet had confessed his love for Season 3 winner Fantasia all season long, so, he got to do a duet with her. However, this is what Fantasia wore:

Someone’s late for her Catwoman audition! (Mark Davis/Getty Images)

Meow-what?!? Not only did Fantasia barely strut around in a catsuit that I’m pretty sure she found at drag queen rummage sale in North Carolina, but she donned a less than fabulous weave. I hate to say all of that distracted me from hearing if she could still sing. I hope Josh is happy now, and hopefully, he’s a little disappointed. All right, well, moving on, the female finalists sang a Chaka Khan medley, and I read she was going to be on the show, but I wasn’t ready for what she was wearing:

No words (John Shearer/Invision/AP)

Okay, two facts: 1. She is 59 and 2. She recently lost 60 pounds. Great news! And although Khan’s catsuit was far superior to Fantasia’s, I think she could have worn something different, like maybe a fitted dress. When Khan finally came out, she had to be literally carried down the steps by Idol’s on-stage dancing entourage. I was watching it with a friend and we couldn’t decide if there was a camel toe issue. I know the people at SPANX were very happy after Wednesday night.

The other odd moment for me was Season 5 finalist Ace Young proposing marriage to Season 3 runner-up Diana DeGarmo. The ways producers come up with filler for a two hour show is staggering. I mean no one cares. Congratulations, but it was filler.

The best performance of the night came when Jessica Sanchez was joined by Tony-winner Jennifer Holliday for a fierce rendition of Holliday’s Dreamgirls essential, “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”. Oh Lord, this was awesome! Here’s my problem, in my eyes, Holliday is the ONLY woman/diva who should ever sing that song. The evidence is when Holliday joined her Dreamgirls movie and Oscar-winning Effie White counterpart Jennifer Hudson on-stage in Atlanta three years ago…just watch and listen for the “Oh my Gods”. If this doesn’t give you the goosies, you are not a music fan.

I give props to Jessica for holding her own with Holliday who looked like she was trying to bite off Sanchez’s face on certain phrases. And when Sanchez took on the showstopper during the season, I knew she had a fair shot at making the finale and maybe winning. But NOOOOOO! The Vote for the Worst site guy/gal (no one knows) may take credit for the fifth straight “white guy with guitar” win, but Phillip Phillips did all by himself and he’s probably on his way for his much needed kidney surgery that could have possibly knocked him out of the finale altogether.

Seriously America, I’m in a lot of pain, but thanks. (Yahoo)

In less than two weeks, the auditions for season 12 will begin…yep, it will keep going and going and going and going, you get the point.

Lisa Lampanelli: Celebrity Apprentice Mean Girl

"Bitch please!"

You know, I’ve always liked Lisa Lampanelli as a comedian, but on Celebrity Apprentice, she’s turned into someone who is more likely to have a violent mood swing rather than to crack one of her classic dirty jokes. There’s no doubt she wants to win, and she has a really good chance to win, but at what cost? It’s plain to see through eleven tasks, Lampanelli has made it clear she’s not a fan of the pretty models/actresses who are really now all gone. I wouldn’t call Aubrey O’Day an anything, and then it’s only Teresa Giudice, who is also not recognized for anything beyond The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Lampanelli has been the “writer” for 90 percent of her team’s tasks. She’s played right into the stereotype that her abilities are just as important as a model’s or an actress’, it’s just they are not always visible.

In a way, Lampanelli is turning the competition on its ear by taking out all of the “pretty girls”, and that’s great, but when she paid absolutely zero respect to Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, things got out of hand. It’s unfair to assume Mendoza couldn’t contribute anything as a Project Manager or team member. Lampanelli always saw Miss Universe as Miss Universe, a woman incapable of thoughts or feelings. Yet, the comedian has had her breakdowns aka episodes, where she had to reiterate she wasn’t the pretty one by bawling and by stating she indeed had feelings feelings too. No, really? A competition show isn’t about feelings, it’s about pawing your way to the top of the heap and Lampanelli has made no qualms in doing just that.

Mendoza was totally set up by Lampanelli and Clay Aiken to be the pseudo-Project Manager for Sunday night’s task. I know the two were trying to make a point, but Mendoza was never given a chance. And after being called back to the board room a record seven times, Donald Trump got the message, although I bet he was not sure he made the right call, even though Dayana could not control Lampanelli or Aiken. But Trump loves to see the celebrities fight and cover their asses, there’s no show if there’s no fireworks.

Here’s my brutally honest theory: Mendoza was left out of tasks because of her language barrier and her accent, and the Miss Universe moniker was never going to help her out. Let’s not forget, Trump owns the Miss Universe pageant and he’s the reason she ever got a shot in the first place. Lisa may win, but she won’t be winning in a graceful and in a respectable manner. Here’s just one mood swing proud moment from Sunday’s show…I’ll get back to you, oh and although Clay was just as conniving this week, I hope he wins.

The Hi-Top Fade Returns To Kentucky

cincinnati.comKentucky fans are already hanging NCAA championship banner no. 9 all because they Coach Calipari landed yet another #1 high school recruit, 6-10 Nerlens Noel from Massachusetts. Calipari has now made it four years in row he has recruited the top prep talent in the country. But that’s not the real story.

The fact that Noel is rocking the hi-top fade is making the story more exciting. Welcome to infamy kid! Naturally the first name that springs to mind when seeing Noel is Christopher “Kid” Reid of rap duo Kid ‘N Play and honestly, his fade was the best.

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Who doesn’t love House Party? After news broke of Noel’s Kentucky signing, I started feverishly looking for pictures of Reid, Bobby Brown, and I came across a name I totally forgot about. UK alumni and former NBA star, Kenny Walker!

For real!

Walker even won the 1989 NBA Slam Dunk Contest, where was I? Kidding, I remember. Walker’s hi-top fade was not too high and not too low…just right. I would say the New York Knicks could use a little Sky Walker right about now, since Jeremy Lin got hurt. If you’re wondering what Walker is up to these days, he works for UK’s flagship station, WVLK in Lexington. And just for nostalgia’s sake:

Dig the goggles!

 

 

Sexy Glee Photos in GQ? Quinn Objects! (Sort of)

Well, by now we’ve all see Glee cast members creating a quite a stir with their “sexy photo shoot” for the November GQ.  Not long after the sexy pics, which I say Lea Michele was singled out as the most, tarty, The Parents Television Council, conservatives, fired back saying the shoot “borders on pedophilia”.  Really?!?  Some people just don’t get it and I’m not saying the PTC is entitled to their opinion.  I think it’s quite clear Glee isn’t exactly a family show.  And I mean family show as in Home Improvement or The Cosby Show.  The show tackles many contemporary teen issues: sexuality, teen pregnancy, drug/alcohol abuse, fitting in, etc. 
For GQ capitalize on it’s good-looking stars in a sexy photo shoot set in a high school is genius!  All of the actors involved, Michele, Cory Montieth, and Diane Argon, are in their mid to late 20’s, so the issue of them participating shouldn’t be scrutinized.  That is, until a story just broke that Argon is now expressing regret over the photos; she thinks the photos have caused Gleeks to be “hurt” and “uncomfortable”; here’s a quote:
“perpetuating the type of images that evoke these kind of emotions,” but pointed out that “in the land of Madonna, Britney, Miley, Gossip Girl, other public figures and shows that have pushed the envelope and challenged the levels of comfort in their viewers and fans…we are not the first.”
And she’s right, so why make a fuss?  Glee is a popular show and the more publicity, however scandalous it is, the better.  Positivity and negativity go hand in hand, so Gleeks shouldn’t feel cheated by Rachel, Finn, and Quinn.  I personally love the pictures; a little sexiness never hurts.
Oh and don’t worry, a complete analysis of next week’s Rocky Horror Glee Show is on the agenda!

Corey Haim

I can’t believe it has happened, though sadly, it was not a surprise…Corey Haim ruled the 80’s teen flicks with his co-star and his best friend, Corey Feldman…aka The Coreys…both stars had early individual success…Haim with LUCAS, Feldman with THE GOONIES…however, their first collaboration, THE LOST BOYS…was huge and it has become a cult hit…Feldman tried to help his friend, by helping him land a role in the Lost Boys sequel a few years ago…however, if you watched A&E’s “The Two Coreys”, Haim was freaked out and he was suspected of taking anti-anxiety meds…Haim had become so desperate in the last ten years, you may remember he offered up some of his teeth for auction on EBay…I hate to see Corey Haim become another fallen child star statistic, but he was never going to give up drugs…which you could see throughout “The Two Coreys”…I only think of one movie when I think of the Coreys….
RIP Man!

I Know It’s Wrong To Criticize When It’s For Charity, BUT!

The new “We Are the World”????…Oh, not good…I understand it’s for those suffering and recovering in Haiti, but some classics should be left alone…here it is…
I don’t object at all to some of the artists involved…Pink and Jennifer Hudson turned it out…and of course Celine!!!!…however, you have the artists, Justin Bieber, who are just out of place…I’m talking to you Tony Bennett, Miley, Lil’ Wayne!…yeah, why auto tune????…is that what the world has come to?…oh yeah, I forgot to throw props to Babs-Barbra Streisand…and I’m a little pissed not more country artists were featured…where was Taylor Swift’s solo?…Jennifer Nettles was the only country singer, well, if you count Miley (I DON’T!) that did get a solo…and wouldn’t you know, some random actors showed up, like Oscar nominee Jeff Bridges, who sings very well…and…Vince Vaughn…we’ll call him this version’s Dan Akyroyd…and in a moment of eerie tracking, we hear the late Michael Jackson on a chorus and when he sings “when you’re down and out and there seems no hope at all”…it’s the best part of the song…God bless Lionel Richie and Quincy Jones for making this happen, again…but next time, leave out the auto tune…

VH1 Divas Sort of Live Blog…

***THIS IS TIME-STAMPED, BUT IT’S NOT LIVE, YOU KNOW THE DRILL***

8:00pm: Some big opening number with Paula, who I think is wearing a wig, there’s a sparkly cape…I hoping this is only dancing…ooops…”Cold Hearted Snake”…lipsynching even though she’s holding a mic…yeah Paula, 1989 called and they want MC Scat Cat back, they play on how Simon and Paula are opposites that attract..how darling…now “Straight Up”…she almost fell…oh, yeah “Forever Your Girl”, some weird remix…boy, that was stupid….let’s get to the real singers…caught a glimpse of Ryan Kwaten aka Jason Stackhouse in the crowd…he’s presenting a diva, I guess…
8:05pm: Paula–“this is NOT American Idol!”…her voice is cracking…a shot of Adele, she’s chewing on something…
8:08pm: J-Hud is up first…love her!…”we’re a new generation of divas…” oh, she looks fierce!…singing “Spotlight”…I may have NOT chosen the skin tight, pleathery pants…her boobs are about to pop out…a Live Blog party you say?…I’ll stick to what I’m doing…
(checking The Office…I can’t believe I’m missing this…however, DVR is the greatest invention ever)
8:17pm: KATHY GRIFFIN!!!!!….oh boy, here we go…damn, she’s a foot taller than Paula…”was there any man on man barebacking?” in reference to Simon and Seacrest…Paula–“have you ever banged anyone?”…
8:19pm: Kelly Clarkson…let’s see how much weight the camera adds tonight….a typical day in the life of KC montage…”Already Gone”, the song she says is a rip off of Beyonce’s “Halo”…co-written by the same person, Ryan Tedder, who also co-wrote Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love”…yeah, Kelly still isn’t missing any meals…bless her heart, her dress is pretty…I guess the first hour is solo performances…
8:25pm: Dudes on Divas????…some skit thing to fill time…PS22 school chorus singing “Chasing Pavements”…search for these kids on YouTube; they are good!
(Commerical break…well there goes the end of The Office…whaaaaaaaa!)
8:30pm: Paula’s dresses leave much to be desired…Oscar playing off music spoof…complete with a sparkly hook!!!…Keri Hilson and Corbin Bleu, okay?…having presenters for this is kind of dumb…but some of the Real Housewives of Atlanta are there, so I digress…
8:32pm: Jordin Sparks!!!…cue the montage…”S.O.S. (Let the Music Play)”…she has dancers, the production is reminescent of the VMAs…seriously!…and I’m waiting for the Kanye interruptus spoof…Jordin has some junk in the trunk too, I’m kind of scared of her…
8:37pm: NeNe, Bethenny, and KIM!…whoops, and Kim’s wig…Kim- “I have a song out called ‘Tardy for the Party’ and it’s a big hit!”?????…
8:38pm: Adele…and I’m not hatin’, but another heavyweight…she has a baby, did I know that?…Lionel Richie???…this montage is getting weird…damnit, I don’t know the name of the song….proof pop radio eludes me most times…wait, it’s “Hometown Glory”…ah, those eyelashes…big voice…
(Commercial break, I got nothing)
8:49pm: the Leona Lewis vs. Miley Cyrus debate????…WTF???…PAULA IS IN ELLEN DEGENERES DRAG!!!…LOW BLOW PAULA, BUT GENIUS, COMPLETE WITH ELLEN SHOW SET WITH PAULA PLOPPING DOWN IN THE CHAIR…it fell a little flat…Toni Braxton, looking gorgeous…
8:51pm: Leona Lewis!!!…this is the first time I’ve heard her speak, darling…I’m not sure who this guy is in the montages, producer of the show???…”Happy”, the new one, hells yes!…there’s some sort of Madonna a la “Frozen” thing with the dancers going on…question mark?…she sounds a little off, eh?…it’s almost as if the music is overpowering her…not fair…she’s so beautiful…PS 22 again…they are awesome!
(Commercial break…Miley is only one left….ugh!!!)
9:02pm: Leona Lewis with Cyndi Lauper…and Cyndi’s dulcimer…”True Colors”…how many times have we seen her do this, with others?….I still love this song!…she’s 56???…wow…damn, Cyndi is outsinging Leona!…now the FAME cast of which I know none of their names…they are acting stupid!
9:08pm: It’s Miley!…the montage please…she ain’t no diva, I’m sorry VH1, but I’m standing by it…yes, she’s the new Olsen twins money maching, add in the music career, but NOT A TRUE DIVA!…”Party in the USA” which is a catchy song, but geez…I guess since some of the outfits have been questionable, Project Runway can wait…Miley’s is awful!…it’s like a Corpse Bride gone wrong situation and it’s too short for a 16-year-old!!!…
(Commercial break…flipping over to Lifetime…damn, commercial for them too!)
9:17pm: Another poor flapper dress on Paula…oh, a funny is coming up!…it’s LIZA!!!!!…the real one, not an impersonator!…she has a mic, something’s going to happen…”Liza with a Z”…Paula is playing dumb…Paula’s shoes, yikes!…Liza loves them…and Paula is giving them to her…Liza-“these shoes, it’s something I can use!”…
9:19pm: Adele and India.Arie…”Video”…old school…love it!…perfect song for duet…that song came out eight years ago…wow!…Oh brother!…another Dudes on Divas segment…
9:29pm: Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford…God, if this could only be Michaela Watkins and Kristen Wiig as Hoda and Kathie Lee…damnit!!!
9:30pm: Jordin Sparks and Martina McBride…”Broken Wing”…interesting…I was thinking Kelly Clarkson would bring more of a country flair to this…oh well…Martina looks a little dazed…oh and she has sounded better, oooh…oh Martina, no diva here…but bless her for trying…
9:38pm: Jennifer Hudson and Stevie Wonder….(I’ve been skipping the commercial break designations…don’t sue me!)….what is this song???…I would consider Stevie a diva, why not?…”All in Love is Fair”(?)….J-Hud can sang! oh a little diva-off between Jennifer and Stevie! A die-hard KC fan…a J-Hud fan, she’s losing it!…
(Well here we go, commercial break…the show is almost over???…it flew by)
9:47pm: Oh no, Ryan Kwaten alert!!!…and who else?…SamTrammell?!?…wow…
9:48pm: Miley and Sheryl Crow…”If It Makes You Happy”…oh Miley, honey…you are NOT A DIVA or a rock singer!…it’s interesting seeing the comments at the bottom of the screen…they’re only putting up the nice ones…Miley is this close to a camel toe moment…she’s 16 people!!!…I love Sheryl Crow and I feel so sorry for her right now…all that’s left is Kelly Clarkson and Melissa Etheridge…it should be good…
(commercial break and another shameless plug for FAME, Kelsey Grammer is in it too?!?)
9:56pm: Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port…Paula is twittering…okay, it’s been established, Paula? not funny…”Bring Me Some Water”!!!!…yeah!…Kelly and Melissa Etheridge…this one is appropriate since lesbian rumors have been swirling around KC for a while…okay, this is pretty good…playful, I like…Kelly is fillng out her jeans…I admire her for working her weight…this is my favorite performance by far!!…
10:02pm: THE DIVA-OFF???…that’s it????…no diva-off?….well, I gotta move on…