What Does It Mean?

instagram.com

instagram.com

Okay, before you stop reading, this post will NOT be all about Beyonce’s stunning new pixie cut. I’m going to take a few current topics and tell you what I think they mean. And we will start with Mrs. Carter. What does it mean? It means a lot of people will be wasting their time on Twitter analyzing and humorously carrying on about a friggin’ haircut. And let’s be honest, she probably just snatched her weave. I have feelings about the haircut, but I haven’t been able to fully process them yet.

nydailynews.com

nydailynews.com

A-Rod’s infinite suspension

What does it mean? It means this no-talent, overpayed, whiny dickbag may never play MLB again. As you can tell, I have zero love for Rodriguez. I’ve never liked him and when he joined the Yankees, I really, really, really didn’t like him. If A-Rod does get to play again, he will be nearly 40. Not many 40-year-olds can play out one or two more years in the big leagues. And I heard the other night, the Yankees farm system is virtually dead with no hopes of any future stars and/or good trading material available. It’s the great Bronx meltdown and I am loving every minute of it.

Lady GaGa releases this video

What does it mean? Uh, I know I should have something witty to say, but I don’t. And by the way, why is everybody shocked that she’s naked? Jesus, if you haven’t seen GaGa naked by now, go and look at Beyonce’s haircut again. This extreme yoga, called the Abramovic Method, video reminds me of a Wes Anderson film. It just needs some catchy retro music, or some Boots Randolph. Oh and if you haven’t heard her leaked track “Burqa” (some sites are naming it “Aura”), I implore you to skip it! I already have a sinking feeling Artpop is going to be an “art flop”, and I hate that for GaGa. I think she should’ve just laid low and she should’ve taken the rest of the year off. If you are curious, click here to hear the demo; lyrics are included.

another wordpress blog

another wordpress blog

Miley Cyrus releases the name of her new album, BANGERZ

What does it mean? I believe we can safely say now Cyrus has crossed over to the dark side, as in, no more Hannah Montana, EVER! I’ve had a lot of cruel things to say about Miley, and here’s some more. If she thinks she will ever be as successful as a (gulp!) Lady GaGa, P!nk, or hell Madonna with her new schtick and sound, she needs to step back about 500 feet. She’s pretty much a novelty act; it’s all about the display of questionable, staged behavior and a few okay tracks. Yes, I like “We Can’t Stop” the song, NOT that silly video. It turns out, I can wait to see her again.

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Bangs Don’t Lip-Sync Honey

Happy post-Inauguration! As usual, all of the social media interaction had very little to do with the meaning of the ceremony but more to do with who wore what, who acted weird, and who lip-synced for her life. I’m talking to you Queen B.

The ripped out ear piece was a rip off! (cdn.ndtv.com)

The ripped out ear piece was a rip off! (cdn.ndtv.com)

Aside from the not surprising revelation Beyonce went with a pre-recorded anthem, the main focus was on the Obamas. Sasha and Malia, Barack and Michelle and Michelle’s new bangs and Michelle’s Jason Wu Inauguration Ball gown. WERK!

fashionologie.com

fashionologie.com

Honestly, why do we care what these people look like? Sure, they are most scrutinized people on the face of the Earth, but I don’t see what the big fuss is. That was until I told my mother about Michelle’s new bangs.

The conversation went like this:

Me: “Did you see Michelle’s new bangs?”

Mom: “No.”

(You have to forgive my mother and my father, they don’t always keep up with breaking news, plus, they are Republicans, I ain’t mad at them.”

Mom: “I thought she had bangs already.”

Me: “She sort of did in the past, but this is a whole different look.”

(I turn the TV to Fox News, because the President was already sworn in on Sunday in private, but not private, because cameras were there. Mom see’s the First Lady’s bangs.)

Mom: “Well she looks like Flip Wilson!” (Mom laughed a lot and so did I.)

The late Flip Wilson had an award-winning variety show, “Flip”, in the 70’s and his most famous character by far was Geraldine. Wilson in drag? Hilarious!

More like a young Oprah.(blogs.centrictv.com)

More like a young Oprah.(blogs.centrictv.com)

After Mom made her funny, she ran immediately to the computer and she started looking up Geraldine pictures. She found some good ones, including this:

She is fierce! (flickriver.com)

She is fierce! (flickriver.com)

Of course, the one thing missing from yesterday?

YESSSS! (buzzfeed.com/imgur.com

YESSSS! (buzzfeed.com/imgur.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dream Of The 2000s Will Live Again in 2013

Who knew the new year would start off with such huge, and I do mean HUGE, music news? In case you haven’t heard, both Justin Timberlake AND Destiny’s Child will release new music in the very, very near future. Both acts announced the news on the same day, what are the odds?

Here’s the tweet from Team Bey:

Now since Beyonce’ is performing at halftime at the Super Bowl in a couple of weeks, the speculation that she will reunite with Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams is rampant, and I pray it happens. Plus she also will be performing at the Inauguration, she has an HBO documentary due next month, and of course she is working on her next album, her first since her daughter Blue was born. Here’s the cover for the new cd, which will be in stores soon, January 29th to be exact. The trio’s first single in eight years and the only new song on the new compilation, “Nuclear” was produced Pharrell Williams and the release date has not been revealed.

Image

amazon.com/beyonceonline.com

Got it? Good. Now onto what I consider the bigger news, Justin Timberlake, with Timbaland’s help, will be putting out new music for the first time in almost seven years at midnight this coming Sunday. There’s a countdown clock on his website, and here’s the teaser video, complete with some dramatic yet subtle JT narration, no music. DRAT!

Are you ready? I am, and it better be “Jumpin’ Jumpin” and “SexyBack”! YES!