Honey Boo Boo Finale: It Is What It Is (Indeed!)

Well, we bid adieu to the Thompson clan in a hour-long finale and I think I laughed harder than I had at this episode than any other all season. Should I be ashamed? I know I should, but I don’t care. And good news! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been RENEWED, we’ll get to see how the Thompsons celebrate the “HOLLA-days”, YES! An undisclosed number of additional episodes of sneezing, farting, mud-bogging, and sassy-fying have also been confirmed.

Me after finding out the show had been renewed. (realitynation.com)

I’ll try to recap the finale as best as I can without getting too silly. First, we witness a family photo shoot with the Thompsons and Alana, being the diva she is, keeps acting up. And since we are in Georgia and it’s summer, the family is bitching about the heat and the gnats start to swarm. June “put a little paint on the barn” and Sugar Bear? Well he doesn’t dress up, “unless it’s for a funeral”, elegance at its best. I mean, did we or the photographer expect any less? I had a friend point out recently, Honey Boo Boo is NOT cute! I keep saying at least two of the sisters, Anna and Pumpkin, don’t look that bad. There’s no hope for Jessica aka Chubbs, who I wish would wear a size or two larger when it comes to a t-shirt! It drives me nuts when girls/women with big bellies wear shirts that are way too small. PLEASE STOP!

If those gnats could talk. (tlc.discovery.com)

Next, we moved on to more pageant prep, including swimwear, oh dear. Okay, now a friend of mine said last night that Sugar Bear’s little brother Lee aka Uncle Poodle appeared in the episode where the girls went to get pedicures. I must have blanked out, because all I could focus on was the saga of Forklift Foot. Anyway, Uncle Poodle shows up to get grass thrown at him and to show Alana a new routine. I’m glad the Thompsons are so gay-friendly, in fact Alana says at one point, “everyone’s a little gay”, true. If there’s one thing this show has accomplished, really?!?, it shows the family has no prejudices, and that is extremely rare in the South.

We soon learn that since Anna is on the verge of “full labor”, the pageant trek may not happen. You knew the season finale would include the birth of Kaitlyn Elizabeth, the child who has two thumbs on her right hand. Alana was cracking me up talking about the baby, “Kaitlyn arrived on the biscuit express”!!! I was dying. Around this point in the episode, in virtually every family member interview, a swarm of gnats gathered and the hilarity began. It got me to thinking, gnats do swarm in the summer, but after seeing Mama’s Forklift Foot, they also swarm around nastiness and disease. See what I’m getting at here? I’m just being a tad bit mean. Jessica used the term “rancid biscuit bad” to describe the smell of her new niece, okay, she couldn’t quite nail the odor, but it ended up being the smell of baby formula, which I can attest is not that fresh.

Nasty, gnat-covered memories…(facebook.com)

Was there another pageant in the works? Well of course, what would a season finale be without it. I forget what the pageant was called, but it looks like it was held in an old school gym with an old school stage, perfect! I won’t spoil the ending, but we do get to see Glitzy the pig again. That poor soul, those producers just wouldn’t give up without one more Glitzy appearance.

All in all, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a very poor example of how not to behave, kidding, but not kidding. I find it funny that the finale was titled, “It Is What It Is” because every episode could’ve had the same title. One additional chapter to this craziness, Sugar Bear was recently in a ATV accident with injuries so serious, it was said he might lose a leg. YIKES! I see a follow-up in the holiday specials forthcoming and I hope he’s okay, but I did not want to see his old, chawed up teeth up close, totally nasty.

That’s it, you better redneck-o-nize!

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Bill Clinton’s Big Hands And Honey Boo Boo’s “Department Store”

My plan was simple, watch the rebirth of Slick Willy, then watch the fart machine. I think I made the right decision. Is Bill Clinton badass or what?

“Ze-ro!” (huffingtonpost.co.uk)

If I, or I should say we, could have one President for the rest of our lives, it would be Clinton, and not just for the razzle dazzle. Fact-checking aside, Clinton came correct in his DNC speech Wednesday night. I think he definitely re-energized the base and he did it going off script, seriously, why did they even bother with the teleprompter? Clinton is at his best when he charms and he speaks off the cuff. However, has he always had giant hands? And not just giant hands, but also, bony fingers. It’s true Clinton is half the man he used to be due to heart problems, and rumored veganism (notice I didn’t say vaginaism), but those hands creep me out! The only other guy with the exact same hands, this guy!

poorrichardnews.com

Head of State y’all! Wow, if Obama and Clinton had a baby, Chris Rock???? It’s just a theory. Will President Obama be able to stand out with his own nomination speech? It’s tough to tell. Clinton will always be a hard act to follow and there’s always mumblings of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton still thinking about White House run in 2016. We can all dream. And we’re all in this together. (I stole that line)

Meanwhile…

Never forget! (facebook.com)

It’s amazing how much lard can fill a half hour of TV. This week, Honey Boo Boo went wig-shopping at…wait for it…”Shh! It’s a Wig” in nearby Macon. As with the family’s visit to a spa earlier this season, the wigmaster/associate was a little taken aback by the Thompsons. Needless to say, Alana did NOT get a wig for her next glitz pageant. One line that made me laugh ever since I saw it in the coming attractions for the season, when Alana gets the panty hose put on her head for a wig, she says “I look like I’m gonna rob somebody!” Yep, it still makes me laugh, am I going to hell? Next on the agenda, Sugar Bear buys the family an above ground pool, since it’s soooooooooooo hot in Georgia. And let’s be honest, this series had to be shot LAST summer, thank God it wasn’t this summer or Mama would have swelled up like Jabba the Hutt. The pool made it to fruition, and Alana jumped in, and was bored with it after five minutes.

Next, I think, the family joined some friends for some four-wheelin’ and a fish fry. Now we’re talking. Well, there was this set-up that the gang was going to drive down to the local department store, little did I know, the department store?

Oh dear (mynews-today.com)

When they pulled up, I said out loud “Son of a bitch!” Yes, the Thompsons and their friend Tony, went dumpster diving! And at one point, Punkin got rolled up in a what I’m sure was a disease-ridden mattress. Crazy has went too far! The stereotype has gone too far! I love it! A story broke Wednesday investigating what kind of salary is the family making from the show. Here’s the story from TMZ. You’re damn right and since the show beat the RNC last week, I’d expect a salary upgrade, and maybe they won’t have to shop at dumpsters anymore.

I love this country.