Even Lady Lovers Have Man Crushes

Okay, I realize it’s been nearly three months since I posted anything. LORD! And I won’t go through all the excitement in pop culture that’s taken place in that time period. Of course I want to go on a Honey Boo Boo rant, but, we all saw that coming. Not the unfortunate sexual abuse allegations, but the show wasn’t going to last forever. Shame on Mama June! I’ve said my piece.

The topic I am going to talk about, I totally ripped it off from a podcast I listened to earlier today. Plus I watched this, and it made me laugh!

Even I’m being honest I only have two real man crushes, wait, three. In no particular order, let’s take a gander.

Ewan McGregor

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Hand to God, my sister had this picture up on the inside of her bedroom door. I find him crush-worthy for two reasons. He has nice eyes, and he’s a Star Wars legacy. Yes, the last trilogy sucked, but McGregor cast as Obi-Wan Kenobi was perfect. Though he may not feel the love of the fans, he’s a good guy, and I like looking at him.

Ewan-McGregor-hottest-actors-1083402_1369_1433

Brad Pitt

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Here’s where I get picky. I’m only crushing on the Fight Club Brad Pitt. Today we have Channing Tatum as a one of the models of a perfect man. Sorry Gosling. In that moment, Tyler Durden was the perfect physically-looking guy I had ever seen. Now I should point out when I was crushing on all these dudes, I was not out yet. I was still window shopping so to speak. Here’s another Durden.

movies_cause_chaos_with_tyler_durdens_oliver_peoples_523_sunglasses_from_fight_club_003And, don’t laugh.

Leonardo DiCaprio

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Again, I crushed on Leo from the mid to late 90s. There’s only one reason I love Leo, he looks very womanly in the face, or is feminine a better fit? I mean, come on.

leonardo-dicaprio-swanHe posed with a swan! A SWAN! Even though I loved both movies, I prefer the “king of the world” over “the wolf of wall street”. What’s even more disheartening to me now, Leo turned 40 the other day; he still looks fine, but he’s not truly pure-looking to me anymore. He’s aged, but he’s aged okay.

handsome-leonardo-dicaprioOOF! Maybe not. It’s pictures like this that make me glad to be a pure blood, gold star, card carrying lady lover.

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A Video Tete A Tete, Vis A Vis, That Kind Of Thing

I was chatting with an old flame, er, good friend tonight and we got into this “one uppping” competition that came out of nowhere. Actually, I’m to blame, but I still don’t know exactly how. It started with a comment I made as I was listening to one of my Pandora stations. I told my friend that on one of my stations, Rihanna’s “Umbrella” always pops up, and I like “Umbrella” but it can be a little annoying after a while. I tend to skip a lot, and when I reach my skip limit, I get mad. Those are the pitfalls of not having a full subscription. Anyway, I skipped Rihanna and Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch” came on. I mentioned it, she made a comment comparable to “really?” and then I noticed in her next message was a YouTube link. This is what popped up:

What? Okay, a brief primer on t.A.T.u. The Russian pop/dance duo comprised of Lena Katina and Yulia Volkova started out as an independent act, then they got a deal with Interscope Records in 2001, and in 2003, their first English single, “All The Things She Said”, produced by The Buggles’ front man Trevor Horn, was released accompanied by that cryptic video. But the lesbian schoolgirl uniform image was all a sham, and soon t.A.T.u. was quickly pushed off the radar screen in America. However, their fake image was so popular, MTV bought into it and they booked the girls for what I still consider to be the BEST lip-synching/half-assed singing spectacle in the history of the MTV Movie Awards. So my one up was this:

Yes, I like that very much. Another quick story, the first time me and my friends went down to Nashville Pride in 2003, when we were killing time, I bought the t.A.T.u. CD and we listened to “Not Gonna Get Us” over and over. My friend was a little slow on her next one up, so I scoured YouTube for some more t.A.T.u. clips and I found this gem. Okay, it’s the same song, but it’s now 2009 and the girls are part of the Eurovision semi-finals interlude.

Um, what happened to the redhead? Did she not hear the Spice Girls broke-up? The other one obviously stayed in shape. The Russian Army Choir is a nice touch, since the girls were basically still lip-synching. Well my friend finally found her next entry:

Ah, The Murmurs “La Di Da” interlaced with video from a show I miss dearly, The L Word. Geez, how gay is this tete a tete going to get? Soon after this exchange, I had to shut down my laptop, but when I got home, I found another one-up from my friend, yeah, she skipped my turn!

Marilyn Manson’s cover of “Tainted Love” (I secretly abhor this song!) from the Not Another Teen Movie soundtrack. I think me and my friend are in desperate need of some special attention.

Now if I can just find my t.A.T.u. CD! And get to another Pride before I’m too old!

Fifty Shades Of No Way In Hell (NSFW!)

Before you ask, I need to point out I have no intention of EVER reading E.L. James’ trilogy about certain sexual fantasies that up until now I guess were never published. Yeah, right. I’ve only read two memorable erotic stories in my life. Try not to pass out when I go there. And yes, they are both gay. Hey, I write what I know.

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Annie Proulx’s 1999 short story collection includes Brokeback Mountain, which originally appeared in The New Yorker in 1997. Although the story itself is just a shade over 60 pages long, it covers the entire plot you see in the 2005 Oscar-winning film adaptation and it hashes out a few more sexual details than what is seen on-screen. We’re talking graphic and erotic. I don’t think it’s fair the word “erotic” is almost always associated with fiction geared towards women. Men get it on too and I bet a few have read the Fifty Shades trilogy.

The reason I got to blogging this time, now that the trilogy has become so popular, a line of lingerie, make-up (What?), stationery, bedding (kinky!), home furnishings (better throw some rope in), and so on and so forth will be hitting store shelves soon. Don’t get too turned on, this is only happening in England, where the author is from, for now. However, sales of rope and other bondage items have spiked thanks to the panty fire storm continuing to spread across the country. And just in case you were wondering, you need to buy the 12-gauge non-braided nylon rope, no thanks! I just can’t believe bondage is something a few women (maybe men) are just now learning about. It takes a kinky village…

All right, my second most erotic reading experience….

I call bias! on myself. (goodreads.com)

Oh, there are thousands of lesbian erotic novels and poetry out there, believe me I know, but Sarah Waters’ historical debut novel Tipping the Velvet which is a slang term for, um, yeah that, is making me a little antsy to write about at the moment. I can’t tell if I’m blushing, I’m typing. It’s more of a glance at lesbianism in Victorian England in the 1890’s  than it is a sordid, erotic tale. Gotcha, I’m totally lying. It’s historic and it’s extremely hot in many chapters. It examines cross-dressing, the butch factor, and, ahem! artificial appendages. Screw the rope ladies, THAT is kinky!

I try my best not to judge my friends who are reading Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed, my sister read them too. And I’ll have to grit my teeth even more when all of these naughty stories are made into movies. I have to face the fact that a hot book series, sexy or not, will be shoved in my face (EWWW!) whether I like it or not.

Bath salts, take me away…

 

Three Albums I Will Be Purchasing Soon Or Sometime This Summer

May is when all media is at a fever pitch. TV season finales, new and returning TV shows start airing, the summer blockbuster season gets into full swing (although I don’t know what movie can outdo The Avengers) and, all kinds of new music is out there for the taking, well, buying. Here’s three I must get my hands on….

1. Adam Lambert: Trespassing

I miss the glittery outer space Adam

As of Tuesday, Trespassing is good to go. For all my cynical, asshole berating of American Idol, Adam Lambert has been by far my favorite in the past five years. As you recall, he didn’t win, but the winner (Kris Allen that season) always ends up being a bigger loser when it comes to album sales and overall staying power. Lambert’s debut album, For Your Entertainment, has achieved platinum status and any time an artist’s album and single sales are very good, he/she/they will be sticking around for a while. Although I’m not a fan of every single track I’ve heard, Lambert has included many more upbeat/dance tracks this time around. What I love about Glambert is that he’s not afraid to take a risk, and maybe more ex-Idols should do that. Losers!

2. Scissor Sisters: Magic Hour

Can you say “trippy”?

Yes, anything the Sisters do, I’m in! Less than two years after Night Work and a few concert dates opening for Lady GaGa, the Sisters return for another intellectual, if not gay-gay-gay, wild ride. When one of the tracks is entitled, “Let’s Have a KiKi”, oh yes. But here’s my continuing argument for the Sisters, I will never understand why they can’t break through to the mainstream. They have certainly achieved a cult status and they have a huge fan base, but radio programmers, in the US anyway, shy away. It’s 2012 people! And the last time I checked, a hell of lot of people LOVE to dance. As with Adam Lambert’s new album, at least two of the tracks on Magic Hour were co-written and produced by Pharrell Willams. Williams is the co-writer and producer of Lambert’s title track, “Trespassing” (one I don’t care for), but we’ll see what he’s got going on with the Sisters. Magic Hour will be in stores May 29th.

3. Garbage: Not Your Kind of People

Clean and direct

How long has it been since we’ve heard anything new from Garbage? Not counting 2008’s greatest hits collection Absolute Garbage, it’s been six years! However a band like Garbage can take off like that, but not for too long. Drummer Butch Vig was last seen as producer of one of my favorite rock records of last year, Foo Fighters’ Wasting Light. Shirley Manson dabbled in acting, I still regret not tuning in for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and it ran for two abbreviated seasons. Oh well. One major change, this new album is on Garbage’s own label, STUNVOLUME, so maybe they took their time in order to get more creative control. I’ve only heard “Blood for Poppies” and I loved it. Not Your Kind of People was also released this week.