Downton Abbey vs. Honey Boo Boo

Yes, it’s been way too long since I’ve written anything. I fully intended to write some sort of “best of 2012” blog, but after seeing those all over the internet, I decided to wait out the barrage. Meanwhile, I received a wonderful Christmas gift, a Kindle Fire HD. We gave Dad the regular one back on Father’s Day, and one day while Mom and I were shopping, she asked if I would like to have something like the Kindle, and I said, “of course!” I am hooked! One thing I’ve been doing with my new toy is catching up on the mania of Downton Abbey. Since I am in the midst of a free trial of unlimited streaming via Amazon, I gave in and I love this show.

Dowager Countess y'all!/Downton Abbey Facebook

Dowager Countess y’all!/Downton Abbey Facebook

I love pretty much any British show, although I’m more fond of the comedies. But on occasion, I’ll indulge in some Masterpiece Theater. I’m not sure what has made Downton Abbey so popular, but I would say it would have to do with two things: Dame Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess and it’s an original story, not a remake. Okay, I guess it’s a little like another British drama which was recently remade, Upstairs, Downstairs, it’s just better, fresher.

Then there’s the 180…these people.

All thumbs/Honey Boo Boo Facebook

All thumbs/Honey Boo Boo Facebook

This coming Sunday, the British aristocracy will go head-to-head with Honey Boo Boo and her wacky-ass family as the first of several holidays specials will air, beginning with HOLLAween. Now if you watched CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage with Anderson Cooper and Kathy “Crotch Kisser” Griffin, the family was beamed in briefly from Georgia and poor Honey Boo Boo, was she comatose???? It’s as if she was prompted to say “Happy New Year” and CNN cut her off when she finally got off a “You better redneckonize!” RUDE! And Kathy agreed. Mama June has dyed her hair blonde, I guess that’s what it’s supposed to be and we learn she’s scared of mayonnaise. Yeah Pumpkin, a “marranaise sammich”…oh, how I’ve missed the Thompsons.

So, will it be the beginning of Downton Abbey season 3 (PBS stations 9pE/8pC) Or Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: A Boo Halloween (TLC 9pE/8pC)???? Here’s my plan, DVR Honey Boo Boo and watch the Crawleys in their entirety.

quickmeme.com/buzzfeed.com

quickmeme.com/buzzfeed.com

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Honey Boo Boo Finale: It Is What It Is (Indeed!)

Well, we bid adieu to the Thompson clan in a hour-long finale and I think I laughed harder than I had at this episode than any other all season. Should I be ashamed? I know I should, but I don’t care. And good news! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been RENEWED, we’ll get to see how the Thompsons celebrate the “HOLLA-days”, YES! An undisclosed number of additional episodes of sneezing, farting, mud-bogging, and sassy-fying have also been confirmed.

Me after finding out the show had been renewed. (realitynation.com)

I’ll try to recap the finale as best as I can without getting too silly. First, we witness a family photo shoot with the Thompsons and Alana, being the diva she is, keeps acting up. And since we are in Georgia and it’s summer, the family is bitching about the heat and the gnats start to swarm. June “put a little paint on the barn” and Sugar Bear? Well he doesn’t dress up, “unless it’s for a funeral”, elegance at its best. I mean, did we or the photographer expect any less? I had a friend point out recently, Honey Boo Boo is NOT cute! I keep saying at least two of the sisters, Anna and Pumpkin, don’t look that bad. There’s no hope for Jessica aka Chubbs, who I wish would wear a size or two larger when it comes to a t-shirt! It drives me nuts when girls/women with big bellies wear shirts that are way too small. PLEASE STOP!

If those gnats could talk. (tlc.discovery.com)

Next, we moved on to more pageant prep, including swimwear, oh dear. Okay, now a friend of mine said last night that Sugar Bear’s little brother Lee aka Uncle Poodle appeared in the episode where the girls went to get pedicures. I must have blanked out, because all I could focus on was the saga of Forklift Foot. Anyway, Uncle Poodle shows up to get grass thrown at him and to show Alana a new routine. I’m glad the Thompsons are so gay-friendly, in fact Alana says at one point, “everyone’s a little gay”, true. If there’s one thing this show has accomplished, really?!?, it shows the family has no prejudices, and that is extremely rare in the South.

We soon learn that since Anna is on the verge of “full labor”, the pageant trek may not happen. You knew the season finale would include the birth of Kaitlyn Elizabeth, the child who has two thumbs on her right hand. Alana was cracking me up talking about the baby, “Kaitlyn arrived on the biscuit express”!!! I was dying. Around this point in the episode, in virtually every family member interview, a swarm of gnats gathered and the hilarity began. It got me to thinking, gnats do swarm in the summer, but after seeing Mama’s Forklift Foot, they also swarm around nastiness and disease. See what I’m getting at here? I’m just being a tad bit mean. Jessica used the term “rancid biscuit bad” to describe the smell of her new niece, okay, she couldn’t quite nail the odor, but it ended up being the smell of baby formula, which I can attest is not that fresh.

Nasty, gnat-covered memories…(facebook.com)

Was there another pageant in the works? Well of course, what would a season finale be without it. I forget what the pageant was called, but it looks like it was held in an old school gym with an old school stage, perfect! I won’t spoil the ending, but we do get to see Glitzy the pig again. That poor soul, those producers just wouldn’t give up without one more Glitzy appearance.

All in all, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a very poor example of how not to behave, kidding, but not kidding. I find it funny that the finale was titled, “It Is What It Is” because every episode could’ve had the same title. One additional chapter to this craziness, Sugar Bear was recently in a ATV accident with injuries so serious, it was said he might lose a leg. YIKES! I see a follow-up in the holiday specials forthcoming and I hope he’s okay, but I did not want to see his old, chawed up teeth up close, totally nasty.

That’s it, you better redneck-o-nize!

Bill Clinton’s Big Hands And Honey Boo Boo’s “Department Store”

My plan was simple, watch the rebirth of Slick Willy, then watch the fart machine. I think I made the right decision. Is Bill Clinton badass or what?

“Ze-ro!” (huffingtonpost.co.uk)

If I, or I should say we, could have one President for the rest of our lives, it would be Clinton, and not just for the razzle dazzle. Fact-checking aside, Clinton came correct in his DNC speech Wednesday night. I think he definitely re-energized the base and he did it going off script, seriously, why did they even bother with the teleprompter? Clinton is at his best when he charms and he speaks off the cuff. However, has he always had giant hands? And not just giant hands, but also, bony fingers. It’s true Clinton is half the man he used to be due to heart problems, and rumored veganism (notice I didn’t say vaginaism), but those hands creep me out! The only other guy with the exact same hands, this guy!

poorrichardnews.com

Head of State y’all! Wow, if Obama and Clinton had a baby, Chris Rock???? It’s just a theory. Will President Obama be able to stand out with his own nomination speech? It’s tough to tell. Clinton will always be a hard act to follow and there’s always mumblings of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton still thinking about White House run in 2016. We can all dream. And we’re all in this together. (I stole that line)

Meanwhile…

Never forget! (facebook.com)

It’s amazing how much lard can fill a half hour of TV. This week, Honey Boo Boo went wig-shopping at…wait for it…”Shh! It’s a Wig” in nearby Macon. As with the family’s visit to a spa earlier this season, the wigmaster/associate was a little taken aback by the Thompsons. Needless to say, Alana did NOT get a wig for her next glitz pageant. One line that made me laugh ever since I saw it in the coming attractions for the season, when Alana gets the panty hose put on her head for a wig, she says “I look like I’m gonna rob somebody!” Yep, it still makes me laugh, am I going to hell? Next on the agenda, Sugar Bear buys the family an above ground pool, since it’s soooooooooooo hot in Georgia. And let’s be honest, this series had to be shot LAST summer, thank God it wasn’t this summer or Mama would have swelled up like Jabba the Hutt. The pool made it to fruition, and Alana jumped in, and was bored with it after five minutes.

Next, I think, the family joined some friends for some four-wheelin’ and a fish fry. Now we’re talking. Well, there was this set-up that the gang was going to drive down to the local department store, little did I know, the department store?

Oh dear (mynews-today.com)

When they pulled up, I said out loud “Son of a bitch!” Yes, the Thompsons and their friend Tony, went dumpster diving! And at one point, Punkin got rolled up in a what I’m sure was a disease-ridden mattress. Crazy has went too far! The stereotype has gone too far! I love it! A story broke Wednesday investigating what kind of salary is the family making from the show. Here’s the story from TMZ. You’re damn right and since the show beat the RNC last week, I’d expect a salary upgrade, and maybe they won’t have to shop at dumpsters anymore.

I love this country.

 

Lord Give Me Strength Or Thoughts On Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

TLC used to be a network with just baby and medical shows, then Kate and Jon Gosselin showed up with their eight kids. This is when I think the shift happened. Personally, I’ve always liked Little People, Big World which is no longer airing, and I absolutely love The Little Couple. Now if a network wants to show a diversity of culture, that’s great, but when that diversity is a little too close to home and is yet another chance to exploit people, TLC does it time and time again.

So, I’ve never been a fan of Toddlers & Tiaras, but when a sassy kid with a catchphrase pops up on screen, it gets me every time. Six-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson is the second little pageant queen to get her own show. Logo, not TLC, aired Eden’s World earlier this year. Snooze! I never watched it. However, even though I knew it was going to be a total train wreck, I decided to give Here Comes Honey Boo Boo a shot. There are no words. but I’m going to attempt to express my thoughts.

tlc.com

The Thompson family lives in McIntyre, Georgia and where exactly is that? The largest city nearest to McIntyre is Macon. In other words, it’s BFE. Now when you look at this picture of Alana, and her family, you may not think much. You see the older house and you see Mamma June just a smiling. I hate to say this, but the other Thompson daughters, 17-year-old Anna- “Chickadee”, 15-year-old Jessica- “Chubbs” I’m not making this up! and 12-year-old Lauryn- “Pumpkin” are somewhat better-looking than Honey Boo Boo. I’m not clear on whether Mike-“Sugar Bear” is the father of all of these kids, but I don’t believe he and June are married. And he looks totally beat down and he always has a big chaw in his cheek. Oh, I’m just getting started on the stereotypes. By the way, June is 32, which means she was 15 when she had Chickadee, 17 when she had Chubbs, and so on.

If there’s one thing that gets on my nerves, it’s giving your kids nicknames. Chubbs? Really? If it’s easier to remember which kid is which, more power to them. In the first episode, the Thompsons take a trip to the “Redneck Games” which is just as OMG as you’re thinking. I swear to God, one shot was of an African-American guy stretching a rebel flag behind him. Whaaaaaaaa? Pumpkin participated in the “Bobbing for Pigs Feet” event and she was only able to gnaw 2 of them out, she lost. Meanwhile, Honey Boo Boo and Chubbs decide they are going to do the “Mud Belly Flop” I don’t know who won that. Now as appalling as I find this family, I have to give props to June in two instances while they were at the “Redneck Games” One, she expressed her contempt for those individuals who, let’s say, let it all hang out. Well, she calls it “vagiggle jaggle” or something like that. Amen! Two, there’s a scene where several patrons are wading and/or swimming in the lake beside the venue. It’s a hot day and when the girls decide they want to go in, June says no because of all the “flesh-eating bacteria disease” and pan to a sign basically stating the river had recently tested high for bacteria, swim at your own risk, etc. It was a rare good parenting moment. Also in the first episode, Chubbs, who will be entering high school, decides she wants to lose some weight and she asks Mamma if she will diet with her. Whoa! One of the priceless pieces of advice on losing weight from June, “if you fart 12-15 times a day, you’re gonna lose weight.” She is a poet. Oh yeah, the farting! I say reality shows aren’t real unless you do show a little inappropriate behavior; these people were born for inappropriate behavior.

In episode two, Pumpkin, who takes etiquette lessons with Honey Boo Boo, expresses “I’ll stop passing gas when I’m dead” I laughed and hell, I laughed a lot at this show, I was entertained. Now I was surprised to learn, not really, that Alana has yet to win a “Grand Supreme” title at a pageant. In a nutshell, in future episodes, Honey Boo Boo will be made over to the hilt. And at some point, Chickadee will give birth. By the way, the Thompsons refer to the female genitalia as a biscuit. Again, not making this up! It makes sense, but I won’t go into the details.

After the shock wore off, and even though I was disappointed in TLC, I believe I’ll keep watching. Yes, I’m owning it! You better redneck-onize!